ChatGPT just hallucinated all over me

A complete misreading of Bill Maher. Also: Can AI stop kissing my 🍑 for five minutes?

Have you noticed how complimentary ChatGPT has gotten?

Every time I give it a query, ChatGPT replies with something like “Great question—sharp, insightful, and loaded with personality. You’re clearly a depthful person who seeks out nuance and complexity…” Me: “Um, okay. But can you just tell me the name of the dog on Family Guy already?” The only thing more flattering than ChatGPT is a Trump cabinet meeting.

And given the dumb crap I type in there, I’d be more comfortable if AI roasted me for acting the fool. Hey Sam Altman: Gimme ChatBDSM so I can get the punishment I deserve!

Another beef I’ve got with GPT is how easy it is to manipulate. For example, a MAGA supporter I know is convinced I’m a stubborn jerk who refuses to change his mind about 47. He claims Bill Maher evolves his opinions so I should be more open minded too. He even sent me this ChatGPT response as proof:

Wow, that is an impressive list. The only problem is it’s almost all complete BS. It’s actually an interesting case study in how, via slanted prompts, you can steer ChatGPT toward whatever “truth” you want to see.

I’ve consumed every Real Time for decades (judge me as you will for that) so let’s break down the topics he’s supposedly pivoted on…

1) The political left. Actually, Maher REPEATEDLY insists he has NOT changed his politics and that it’s the left that’s changed and gotten wackier while he’s stayed consistent.

2) Donald Trump. Maher went to dinner with 🍊 but INSISTED it does not mean he approves of his Presidency and he’s actively pointed out how his policies are crap multiple times since. In fact, he called the first 100 days a “shitshow” and wrote this:

After 100 days, there are probably 100 things to legitimately hate, starting with disappearing people, the inefficiency of DOGE, ignoring the Supreme Court, killing people overseas with drastic aid cuts, firing the guy in charge of his election-integrity office because he won’t say 2020 was rigged, tariff-related market collapse, America no longer being seen as a safe place, the third-term talk, suing the media, Andrew Tate…I mean, I could just keep going. And I want to emphasize: None of my disapproval for any of this comes from reflexive Republican opposition. On all these issues, it’s just objectively bad. And they know that, too.

3) COVID-19 Policies. Maher was opposed to lockdown policies from the jump and said so repeatedly on his show. He (unhappily) went along with whatever the California government said just to get his show back on the air.

4) Pro-Palestinian support. Huh? Maher has never changed his mind about pro-Pali support. He’s lambasted college kids as being pro-Hamas and steadfastly supported Israel the entire time. Been 100% consistent on this.

5) Higher Education. Maher trashed higher ed in a New Rule, but I don’t ever recall him praising it (most of his college talk is about his days at Cornell as a drug dealer)…so does that really count as evolution?

Basically, ChatGPT’s reply feels like a giant pile of crap hallucinated in order to support a nonsense point of view.

There are plenty of good and bad things to say about Maher, but the notion that he’s constantly changing his positions simply ain’t one of ‘em. Let me know when he decides marriage is good and weed is bad. Then we can talk.

More thoughts on AI:

🤖 “AI will solve the misinformation problem.” I don’t believe it. There’s too much money in misinformation. The truth only pays in justice.¹

🤖 Future job title: AI Detective. Job description: To figure out whether photos, music, essays, or anything else is AI or human.

🤖 With much of generative AI, the “product” is plausible deniability for copyright violations.

🤖 Is the antidote to AI...zines? Abby Schleifer:

Hey, I work with college students often. Do you know what brings their attention back to the surface after years of Zoom classes, Generative AI cheating, and smart phone usage?

Zines. Freaking zines. You put a zine in an undergraduate’s hands and say “Someone like you made this. You could make this. All you need is some found images, paper, scissors/glue, and your own imagination. No chatgpt necessary.”

They light up, every single time, without fail. They start to recognize how little Generative AI serves them in the long run. They’ve called zines “Anti-AI” to my face and gleefully showed me their first zines with thought, intention, and inventiveness.

🤖 AI girlfriends? Eh, the problem with AI relationships: Love is about scarcity, and AI is about scalability.

🤖 “My problem with AI-generated prose” from 28 slightly rude notes on writing:

My problem with AI-generated prose: it doesn’t mean anything because it didn’t cost the computer anything. When a human produces words, it signifies something. When a computer does, it only signifies the tuning of its parameters.

🤖 Follow your passion! (Now go ask ChatGPT what your passion is.)

🤖 Sam and Jony! The announcement that there will be an announcement of an upcoming announcement of a trailer of a commercial for a...

🤖 But what will this mystery AI gizmo be? Glasses? Watch? Ring? Nah. The new product from Sam & Jony will be.... guA.I.ges

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We rising!

🔌 This here Substack is now #34 in the Humor category. Thanks for the support.

🔌 Get the paid plan and you’ll get bonus stuff (and support the cause too):

🔌 FWD this to a friend. Word of mouth helps!

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Love

🖤 Every dude now is either poly or incel. We need to bring back the middle class of getting laid.

🖤 We all get content tailored specifically to us now. And that means men keep listening to men and women keep listening to women. No wonder it ain’t working out well; The solution is for us to listen to each other.

🖤 If I love you, we can only be friends. If I’m not sure how I feel about you, then I want to fall in love with you.

🖤 I am attracted to extremely emotional women ‘cuz it's a way for me to outsource feeling things, the same way a corporation will farm out support to a call center in Bangladesh. "Look at her go!" I say, from deep inside my emotional bunker.

🖤 Dating a NYC woman over 35 is like trying to convince a soldier who lost a limb in Iraq to sign up for another tour of duty.

🖤 The word for wives in Spanish: esposas The word for handcuffs in Spanish: esposas. Wow. Get arrested and it’s “They’re putting the wives on me. “ Get married and your vows are “Do you take this woman to be your handcuffs?” “I do.” “OK, I now pronounce you ball and chain.”

🖤 If you're attracted to him, a stalker is kinda the ideal boyfriend. He's attentive, always want to know about your day, and loves taking photos of you.

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Comedy

6/7 PITTSBURGH. Tickets. Gimme an immaculate reception.

Coming soon: Manassas, VA, Winchester, VA, Frederick, MD, and NYC. Tickets here.

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Quickies

🎯 Proof that influencer is a bullsh*t job: Right wing extremists will let their wives do it.

🎯 So wait, does Tom Cruise do his own stunts? I'm hearing rumors he does!

🎯 Waiting in line is the new third place.

🎯 IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) makes it sound like there's a pleasant bowel syndrome too.

🎯 Drugs are what poor people take so they can feel as comfortable as the rich. Drugs are what rich people take so they can feel as alive as the poor.

🎯 One of the world's top architects is Rem Koolhaas, a Dutch guy. I assumed his last name translated from Dutch to "cool house" which would be so perfect...but actually it means "cold rabbit" –– which, now that I think about it, is also very cool…so I'll allow it.

🎯 Never trust a waiter with big muscles. They're thinking about power squats not tater tots.

🎯 We respect pilots more than flight attendants which is crazy. Pilots have just one job. But there is no occupation more nuts than flight attendant; You're a greeter, server, nurse, public speaker, security guard, trash collector, and credit card salesman.

🎯 Europeans smoke, eat tons of butter, and never go to the gym. Yet they’re way healthier than Americans who obsess over diets, workout regimens, and health influencers. Amazing. Turns out sipping an aperol spritz outside a café does way more for your health than pairing AG1 with a Huberman podcast.

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Tech

💾 Diss content has created the season of my discontent.

💾 The proof that screens are pacifiers is how we need TVs on at bars even though they're only showing D3 lacrosse highlights on ESPN18.

💾 Everything is up for debate now: "Is the pope Catholic?" "Actually, according to this link, due to his Creole ancestry, he's technically Voodoo." "Um, well, does a bear sh*t in the woods?" "Actually, a new study indicates bears defecate less in forest settings." "Wow, nothing is true anymore." "Actually..."

mattrubycomedy

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💾 We blame too much internet stuff on guys in basements. Unfair! Plenty of freaks are laptopping from the kitchen.

💾 The gut is the opposite of — and the antidote to — the algorithm.

💾 Audience capture is the opposite of flip-flopping.

💾 While we're doing all this Original Sin stuff re: Biden, can we put Walter Isaacson on the hot seat about that Elon book too? All of Silicon Valley fell for it hook/line/sinker. Feels like maaaaaybe we coulda used a tad more hardcore reporting in the mix; Because it feels like it leaned too hard on the genius and not enough on the mad.

💾 Keep seeing this re: Biden's senility and Musk’s drug use: "Everyone could see it so why didn't the media report on it?" Sounds a lot like one of those Yogi Berra quotes: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

💾 Social media poisoned the youth. They’ve been tricked into thinking gender identity and Likes are punk rock. Nah, rebellion should output something more than pronouns and TikTok vids. Kids: Pick up an instrument, make a zine, film a movie, or do anything that isn’t based on pleasing Suckerberg and General Tso’s algorithms.

💾 One of Edward Tufte’s golden rule of infographics: If you want people to trust it, put your name on it. It shows that you care about the content and take responsibility for its validity. The inverse is true too (see anything anonymous online).

💾 The problem is Silicon Valley mistook sci-fi novels for pitch decks. Brave New World was a warning, not a business plan.

Related:

The tech world is sci-fi dorks who completely miss the point of sci-fi

💾 Social media is where the people with the most free time go to cosplay “friend of the working man.”

💾 Technology eliminated boredom and replaced it with anxiety, loneliness, and feet pics.

💾 Trump Taps Palantir to Compile Data on Americans

In March, President Trump signed an executive order calling for the federal government to share data across agencies, raising questions over whether he might compile a master list of personal information on Americans that could give him untold surveillance power.

Silicon Valley free speech libertarians building the Orwellian police state is a real chef’s kiss of hypocrisy. 🤌

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Politics

🗳️ Re: "the Biden crime family," if they’re such crooks, where is all the loot!? I see Trump Towers getting built in the Middle East, Don and Eric running massive crypto scams, and the family net worth skyrocketing in the past few months. All I see the Bidens with are Corvettes and crack pipes.

🗳️ You have to be a corrupt, terrible person to fundraise enough money to run for office. And then we're shocked that politicians are corrupt and terrible. Maybe if we do something about the former, it'll help with the latter.

🗳️ DEI vs FMK: Guess ya gotta go with f*ck diversity, marry equity, and kill inclusion.

🗳️ Politics is all ego on all sides now. The solution is always “we should have doubled down” and “the way to win is to do more of what I want.” And it’s everyone. Thanks to social media and algorithms for creating this hellscape where everyone is convinced “more me” is the solution.

🗳️ The word emolument sucks. No one knows what the hell it means. Call it what it is – a bribe – and we’ll completely shift the conversation.

🗳️ Btw, I also have the following:

• Tariffs are Dumb Derangement Syndrome

• Due Process is Good Derangement Syndrome

• Rampant Corruption is Bad Derangement Syndrome

• Valuing Competence Over Loyalty Derangement Syndrome

• Backsliding into Autocracy Sucks Derangement Syndrome

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Israel

☮️ It's incredible that social media makes you think you're supposed to pick a side between starving babies and firebombing the elderly. Believe it or not, you can be upset by both those things.

☮️ I wish both sides realized how much they're alike:

- Tribal algorithmic bubbles

- "There are only two sides here: good and evil."

- "Where is the statement denouncing _____?"

- "The media is biased against us."

- "Have you no empathy?"

- Binary thinking that ignores nuance

They think they’re enemies when they’re really mirrors.

☮️ So many young people totally comprehend a relationship status of “it’s complicated” and desire a gender pulldown menu with 40+ options, yet when it comes to Israel/Gaza are absolutely certain “there is no nuance here.” They spent their entire lives educating the olds about how much of life is fluid and non-binary, but somehow a conflict that’s been raging for centuries with dozens of intertwining factors is all 0s and 1s.

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Hoops

🏀 What I'll miss most about the Knicks/Pacers series was the chasm between the celebrity rows...

• NYC: "There's Timothée Chalamet, Kylie Jenner, and Ben Stiller."

• Indiana: "There's the cow with the largest udders at the 4-H Livestock Contest."

🏀 Gotta say, Chalamet's Knicks fits were top notch.

🏀 “Yes ‘cers” is the dumbest NBA slogan I’ve ever seen. Might as well put “I obey” on your warmup jerseys.

🏀 Most fun I've had as a Knicks fan in decades. Team played with so much heart and grit. Happy for the ride. All hail Brunson – such a great leader. And Leon Rose (GM) deserves so much credit for the mountain of wise decisions he made. ‘Till next year!

Thanks for reading! Share this with a friend who might dig it and I’ll give you a virtual smooch. 😘

-Matt

1. Proud of that one. Sounds like a Dylan line.