What Elon and H*tler really have in common
On Musk's "Roman salute." Also: New Vooza compilation, construction, third places, overnight sensations, and lots more.
I swear, I wasn’t gonna write about 🍊, billionaires, or the inauguration. I’m tired of it all too. And then Elon gave a [clears throat] "straight-arm salute" and the people DEMANDED I chime in. So let’s go…
Everybody’s out here analyzing Elon’s gesture like it’s an OT fumble in the Super Bowl. “It sure looks like the hate came out before his knee hit the sw@stika, Joe.”
So yeah, it looks bad. But how can we say for sure? How can we truly know what’s in his heart?
Actually, we all know what’s in Elon’s heart: Ketamine.
What Elon and H*tler really have in common: They’re both on a sh*t ton of drugs. Hitler was “blitzed” on blow and opiates during WWII. And Musk’s former pal, Sam Harris, says Elon is “snorting ketamine and tweeting at all hours of the day and night.”
Elon stans: “It could be his, y’know, condition. You can’t say for sure.” It’s like the start of a new ad campaign:
It ain’t great when this is the best case scenario: "Guys, he's not a N*zi. He's just a special needs autistic guy with no control of his arms and feelings who has zero clue how he's perceived in social settings. Now let's make him the second most powerful person in the US government!"
Honestly, this all makes me feel bad for other autistic people who, in my experience, typically don’t manifest their condition by throwing out sieg heils.
Alternatively, maybe Elon’s just hoping to host SNL again and was pitching the writers on a game show sketch called “Fascism or Autism?”
Or maybe he’s just an edgelord who gets off on trolling snowflakes who don’t get how funny it is to flirt with fascism.
Bottom line: Is he autistic, fascist, trolling, or on Ketamine? Answer:
As for the rest of it:
Honestly, I’m happy this administration is back in charge – at least compared to the in between fugue state of the past couple of months. I couldn’t take that honeymoon victory lap crap any longer.
Fine, America. You wanted it. You got it. Not the imaginary utopia. The reality. Away we gooooo.
Me: The emperor has no clothes!
Half of America: You have Emperor Derangement Syndrome.
Related:
(And honestly, I’m gonna do my best to give this topic a break for a while because even though it’s just begun it feels awfully played out.)
Best of Vooza
Look, it’s a Vooza compilation!
Huffington Post: “The most hilarious tech startup spoof EVER.” The Next Web: “A must-watch for anyone who loves — or loves to hate — startup culture.” BetaBeat: “Really funny, and perfectly captures all the things that annoy us about the startup scene.”
Vooza is a startup about, well, no one’s really sure. Watch to see how the team feels about coding, funding, pitching, culture, and other iffy stuff that techies love to prattle on about. More coming soon too. Stay tuned.
Quickies
🎯 One thing I wish more people considered is the possibility that they don’t have a disorder and they’re actually just kind of rude.
🎯 My top priority is to never be anywhere where people snap their fingers in approval.
🎯 People talk about “third places” as if there’s a second place when there’s really only one place now: the couch.
🎯 Look I wanna hate Putin, but actually this sounds exactly like me in a relationship so…
🎯 To sum up our current media ecosystem: Both sides keep leaving out half the story.
🎯 The problem with being an overnight sensation is you usually disappear just as fast.
🎯 It's crazy to me when people post "no notes" on something because, well, I have notes on everything. Whatever you show me, I'll have a couple tweaks. The Godfather? Sure, great movie. Kinda dark though. Maybe another round of color grading, Francis?
🎯 On second thought…
…Superb headline. No notes.
🎯 The key to publishing anything is to have started building an audience 10 years ago.
🎯 Dorks! “GPT4 was followed by GPT-4o, and then the chain-of-thought reasoning model o1, and then, oddly, came o3…” Um, maybe they should ask AI to come up with some better names for their upgrades?
🎯 Sicilian vs. Caesarean: Either way, it's a helluva slice!
🎯 Meditation is daydreaming with law enforcement.
🎯 Uncircumcised? I prefer to say “director’s cut.”
🎯 Idea: Housekeeping service staffed with curling champions. "You want your floors swept RIGHT? We got you."
🎯 It’s pretty bold for zucchini bread to try to stand on the same corner as banana bread. C’mon man, you’re squash. Go play with the pasta or whatever. You ain’t built for this life.
Comedy
🃏 Social: Follow me at Instagram – TikTok – Threads – X – Substack Notes – Bluesky
🃏 Tour: Upcoming shows in Seattle this weekend. Info here.
🃏 NYC weeklies: I’m outta town this week but will be back the following week for 1) GOOD EGGS (Mondays) at 7:30pm at NY Comedy Club (Upper West Side). 2) HOT SOUP (Tuesdays) at 10:30pm at Comedy Cellar. 3) GOOD EGGS (Wednesdays) at 8pm at NY Comedy Club (East Village).
🃏 FUNNY HOW: I have another newsletter all about the craft of doing standup. Check it out.
🃏 Watch “BOLO”: My new special is out and doing great! Thanks for all the great feedback/watch it here…
Five Things I Know
1) The first rule of construction: The loudest noise must be made first thing in the morning. 8am = Jackhammers. Noon - 5pm = Quiet. The afternoon is for important stuff, like eating sandwiches on the stoop and catcalling women.
2) Everything is too long now because the attention economy incentives unnecessary wastes of time [makes stretching motion]. What was once an at-a-glance diagram is now a two minute video because “gotcha!” Anyway, check out my 30min YouTube clip where I explain why this sucks.
3) We all learned the boiling frog experiment ("beware threats that arise gradually rather than suddenly") yet our entire species behaved just like a dumb ol' frog when it came to climate change. The pace of it was too slow for us to connect the dots and change our behavior in time so now we’re all just boiling.
4) Repression is pressing snooze on your emotions. It buys you time, but you still gotta wake up eventually…and if you don’t, you’ll pay the price.
5) The difference between cider and juice…
As it turns out, the only real difference lies in the amount of processing the liquid undergoes. Apple cider is fresh, unfiltered, and often unpasteurized. Apple juice, on the other hand, is filtered and pasteurized, which gives it a longer shelf life, a sweeter taste, and a smoother texture.
…a good life goal: Be more like cider and less like juice.
Working Methods
📎 Keith Richards: “If you chase a song far enough, you’re gonna corner it. Like a rat!”
📎 Alexander McQueen: "Fashion is not to be taken too seriously. That’s what I try to get across. It’s not gonna cure you of cancer or AIDS. It’s just clothes so don’t sit there and tell me the aesthetics of a jumper, because it’s just there to be worn."
📎 Bob Lefsetz: "By expressing what people feel inside that they're afraid to say...that's the key to my success. Let your freak flag fly. That's how you'll gain success."
📎 Rick Rubin: “I like to get to the essential. There’s a sonic benefit: the less elements you have, the more you can hear the ones that are there, & they sound better. The less elements, the more space there is to hear the personality of the elements that are there.”
📎 Werner Herzog: “The world reveals itself to those who travel on foot.”
More at Working Methods, my newsletter that gives you a quick creative kick in the ass 3X a week featuring advice from art legends.
Stay strong.
-Matt
Dude, I have to give it up to you for your work ethic and creative fecundity! God damn. Wow.
I saw one of your notes, and it made me curious. Then I read your blurbs from Apatow and Gulman and I thought, here is one hilarious humble motherfucker.
Kept reading, and it turns out you've got a lot of deep funny unique takes!
Not meaning to sound condescending there, actually sincerely mean I admire your thoughtfulness.
Final thing. Now, I'm not coming from a cancer culture vibe here (funny, I'm doing voice typing and had said cancel culture, but cancer kind of works too)... I'm just coming as a person who wants to relate to you. To see myself in the stories you're telling. You've got four fantastic influences; if you had to, is there a woman you might name as an influence?
Because of the Cohen and Watts, I thought maybe you might like Pema Chodron? Not much overlap between her and Howard Stern, I will say that.
Amy Sedaris maybe?