The World Cup Makes Everyone Weird

Have we considered powering AI data centers with energy created by Norwegian rowing celebrations? Could be the new solar.

The response to the 🇳🇴 rowing thing feels like proof that social media has zero historical context. There, the same people who detest colonizers have no problem cheering on Norwegians pretending to be VIKINGS. Phew, I got some bad news for these DSA fans about Erik the Red. Proof, yet again, that it all depends on when you start the clock.

Speaking of clocks…

Soccer fans: “How much time is left in the game?”
Ref: “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
Soccer fans: “Couldn’t you just put it on the scoreboard.”
Ref: “Nah. All eyes on me, baby.”

This refusal to show the actual time remaining reminds me of that old Seinfeld joke about 🇨🇳 and 🥢:

I’ll tell you what I like about FIFA: They’re hanging in there with keeping time on the field, aren’t they? You know they’ve seen scoreboards with clocks. They’re staying with “You’ll know the game’s over when I say so.”

Maybe standup should work more like the World Cup: “That’s the official end of my set…but y’all didn’t seem to get my dating material so I’m gonna add on two minutes of penalty time to do an extra bit on Ozempic.”

And how about that Mexican team? Last night was a tough time to dine out in NYC…

“Why is our order taking so long?”
-White people when Mexico is playing in the World Cup

Meanwhile, Brazil’s game winner was scored by Gabriel Martinelli. Dude makes fire apple juice and now this? Impressive range.

While there’s no apple juice, they are letting players drink fluids mid-match now. It’s pretty fun that the hydration break is when the rest of us all get up to p*ss.

Meanwhile, our timelines are filled with foreigners who love Big Gulps, Costco, and American excess. But do we really need the World Cup to make us learn other countries are fun? How about we do “cultural exchange programs,” like they have in high schools, but it’s sending a few thousand folks from one country to another continent on the regular. Could heal the world.

Just be careful with those Vikings, though. The whole thing seems cute for nowwwwwww...

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My weekly NYC shows.

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MLB Pride

⚾️ This is why I only put Quran verses on my MLB pride cap!

⚾️ If baseball bros gotta wear gay stuff for Pride month, then it’s only fair that we force gay men to dress up like bikers, sailors, cowboys, construction wor– Oh, wait a minute.

⚾️ Still one of the greatest sports quotes ever:

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Behind the paywall

Up ahead: Caitlin Clark controversy strikes again, more on the fantastic Knicks, and political musings on the DSA’s wins and the reflecting pool.