The ego pandemic

How Main Character Energy took over everything – and how to escape it.

As a Gen X guy, I grew up without a smartphone and, increasingly, that makes me feel like some strange experiment where I’m both the control group and the lab rat. I remember what it was like before I had a universe of distraction in my pocket delivering dopamine with every swipe. Back then, I’d do stuff like read books and daydream. Now, I’m just a modern day Sisyphus: Instead of rolling a boulder up a hill, I’m eternally attempting to reach the end of an infinite scroll screen.

If I were to compare current me to young me, I’d almost certainly diagnose the current version as having ADHD. I’d blame my brain for my inability to focus. But here’s the thing: I don’t believe my mind is at fault. It didn’t go sour. My brain hasn’t undergone some radical shift. It just wasn’t built for its current reality.

I could blame (and medicate) my mind. But more and more, I’ve come to view its various freakouts (e.g. lack of focus/anxiety/etc.) as warnings. Those things aren’t misfires; they’re my brain having a completely sane, logical response to the stimulation firehose I force it to confront daily. To label my mind as “disordered” feels like blaming the fish for that pile of garbage swirling in the Pacific.

I’ve experimented with antidotes like meditation, psychedelics, and Buddhism. And they all keep leading me back to the same concept: ego.

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Ego inflation devices

Where is all this ego coming from? Increasingly, the answer is my pocket.

Smartphones are ego-inflation devices, engineered to deliver the ultimate high: a constant stream of News About Me™️.

I just show it my face and it delivers a soothing flow of people who agree with me, flurries of texts about me, emails replying to me, news sources that confirm I’m right, and apps filled with people who might potentially love me (as long as I don’t misspell “you’re” or post a photo with a fish).

All this “me” is ego rocket fuel. See, me is addictive. There’s never enough. So the me-ness permeates my mind and winds up manifesting everywhere. My mind’s inevitable conclusion: I am the protagonist and everyone else is an obstacle.

Speaking of, here’s a flyer to come see me live!

A picture of me promoting shows I’m doing so you can come see me talk about me. Tickets/info. 📷: Matt Lawrence.

The tricky thing is I’m not the only one feeling this way. In fact, it’s happening everywhere…

Self-care

We’re all about self-care now. We practice self-actualization, self-realization, and selfie-taking. It’s no longer possible to be selfish because that’s been rebranded as “drawing boundaries” and “being authentic.” So go ahead, cancel those plans at the last minute. It’s no longer rude; you’re just taking care of numero uno.

Diagnosis culture

You deserve all that self-care because, like Apple in the 90’s, you think Different.

A sly side effect of disorders is they mean you’re special. Feeling lonely? It's not a passing phase—it's depression. Struggling to focus? That’s ADHD. Overwhelmed by all that stimuli? It’s your anxiety disorder. If someone disagrees, they’re probably gaslighting you. They don’t know the trauma you’ve endured. After all, a lady on TikTok said so!

Modern romance and the blame game

Why is dating so hard now? Because [insert other gender here] suck!" Whether it’s “toxic masculinity” or “gold digging hos,” it’s definitely not your fault.

The dude version is incels blaming women (and society) for their lack of romantic success. These fellas think they deserve sex. (!) How dare ladies reject them?

The female version often takes the shape of elevating preferences into icks and red flags. “He used a velcro wallet.” “He misspelled ‘its.’” “He didn’t reply to my texts right away.” Quirks are now considered capital crimes.

Either way, what’s clear is the blame lies elsewhere.

Timelinitis

Objective journalism? That’s violence. Instead, curate a feed that harmonizes like the Everly Brothers with your preexisting views. That publication didn’t use the headline you prefer? Put it on blast. That podcaster interviewed a guy you hate? Eviscerate him! That newspaper offered up an op-ed you dislike? Unsubscribe! Dunk on the haters, cancel those who offend, and gate that community. You’re the star and everyone else is an extra.

This extends to politics too. The real victims? Your side! You’ve been wronged and marginalized. Why is the world so unfair to you? You’re either with us or against us. There is no middle way. The other half of the country is the enemy.

Stand your ground

We don’t do persuasion or compromise anymore. Instead, we bludgeon opponents into submission, like true alphas. Everything is Braveheart, chokeholds, and “say uncle!” Convincing people is a waste of time; they should just know.

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The result

It’s all EGO EGO EGO creating a worldview where you have “main character energy” and everyone else is an NPC.

Given all that self-worth, why consider the feelings of others? If you want it, you should have it.

Take that Zoom call in a coffeeshop. Don’t like a joke at a comedy show? Shout out your disapproval. Toes out on the plane? Hey, it makes you feel comfortable so let ‘em run wild. Blare your music aloud on the subway. Spout that hateful language in the comment section. You have the courage to be disliked!

The perfect book for our Age of Ego. "People have always hated me. But reading this book made me realize it's simply because I'm so courageous."

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Deflation regimen

Online, life has become a video game that allows us to design the exact avatars we want. But IRL involves forgiveness, tolerance, compromise, and persuasion. It’s no wonder reality winds up feeling increasingly unpleasant; it requires we encounter friction and deflate those egos engorged to the size of Thanksgiving Day floats.

Some ego deflation ideas:

💡 Accept discomfort into your world and tolerate dissonance. Listen to people who don’t say exactly what you want to hear.

💡 Embrace the hard work of loving kindness. Dunking and complaining offer instant gratification. But forging alliances and building things that sustain is hard work.

💡 Bend! Get over yourself and realize you’re not the center of the universe. Take the dating stuff mentioned earlier...Men: You are never entitled to a woman and you may, in fact, have to work on yourself to become more desirable and put in effort to seduce a lover. Women: You may have to abandon your litany of icks and “widen your radius” of acceptable behavior.

💡 To the outraged: Stop trying to cancel those who offend you. Instead, try conversation, compassion, and context. Call in instead of calling out. Or, y’know, just keep it moving.

💡 Perform other-care instead of self-care. When you stop thinking of yourself as a solitary tree, you start to clock you’re actually part of a forest. In the forest, trees share a root system. They realize that when others are unhealthy, they are too. Nourish those roots.

💡 Get connected. We want to be around other human beings. We want to feel like a village. We want to be in a room with other people who are singing, dancing, praying, cheering, stretching, talking, and/or laughing. We want to sync up. Also, go outside and be in nature. It’ll show you the way.

hashem.alghaili

A post shared by @hashem.alghaili

💡 Stop playing the victim card. When did we all decide to bitch, moan, and complain about everything constantly? Of course things ain’t perfect. But damn, we’re still really lucky. Like, kinda the luckiest people ever. Imagine you were offered a trip in a time machine back to a random time and place. Wanna get in? Of course not. So gratitude it up.

💡 Celebrate victories. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t point out wrongs in the world. It just means you can do that while also recognizing achievements, marking progress, and remaining hopeful. It’s a “Niebuhrian” lesson, according to Barack Obama:

“[We can have] a cleareyed view of the world and the realities of cruelty and sin and greed and violence, and yet, still maintain a sense of hope and possibility, as an act of will and leap of faith.”

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The only way out is through

Trade short term dopamine hits for long term satisfaction.
Accept the uncomfortable as an inevitable part of growth.
Realize needs ain’t wants.
Heaven’s rose is buried in the weeds so get in the muck and dig.
Fight, fail, fight again.
Recognize ego is a trap.

Your phone keeps making you feel like you’re the center of the universe. But here’s the truth your phone will never tell you:

It’s not all about you.

Thank. F–ing. God.

Thanks for reading.

-Matt

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P.S. Here’s a clip from “Substance” where I discuss how my mom produced the first Velvet Underground show ever:

Watch the full special here.