The 27 most overrated foods in our society

Too much food "treasure" is actually trash. I am here to be THE RESISTANCE.

Apr 01, 2025

The taste oligarchs keep trying to force feed us food fashion and I am here to be THE RESISTANCE.

I’m looking at you, people who use the word “umami.” We get it, you backpacked in Asia, enjoy “the theater,” and swirl wine before you taste it. Whatever. You’re also why people hate coastal elites.

I’m tired of being told that trash is treasure by folks trying to make food “fetch” happen. So here is my list of the most OVERRATED foods.

(Go ahead. Fight me in the comments.)

The most overrated foods in our society

Truffle oil

Truffle oil is for suckers. It’s a con to charge dumb people $5 extra for fries that taste like they have a hint of gasoline. I don’t even think they’re using real truffles (check that ingredient list for “aromas” and/or “flavorings”). Yet the riffraff still think they’re being luxe by ordering it so we keep on trufflin’. Reminds me of when a sceney restaurant puts one ridiculously expensive bottle of champagne on the menu just in case some finance bro wants to look like a baller for a table of Estonian models before they hit up The Box. Hard pass.

Mozzarella sticks

Just how drunk are you? And please with the “quality marinara” dip on the side. Giving me Prego in a dixie cup while insisting it’s gourmet is the food equivalent of…

These icky cheese sticks are proof you can deep fry anything from a freezer and sell it as an $11.95 app at a pub filled with Vikings fans who need something to absorb all those Bud Lights. Mozzarella sticks are “Italian” food for Irish alcoholics.

Oysters

Let’s be real: They’re ocean snot. Mucus of the sea. “Don’t chew it, just swallow,” they say. Um, call me crazy, but chewing is one of my favorite parts of eating. Also, I don’t like giving Canadians this much power. I refuse to find out who Prince Edward was, why he got his own island, or eat his shellfish. I’m not anti-DEI, I’m anti-PEI.

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Orange wine

F-f-f-fashion! This is a trend no one will be into in five years. Why does this wine always have to come with a lecture? Stop saying “skin contact,” ya weird somm wannabe. “Did you know that it’s actually white wine grapes…” I do not care. Just pinot grigio me instead and keep it moving.

White, creamy sauces

I have no idea how mayo became the de facto lube of condiments. It’s somehow weaseled its way onto every sandwich in America. Add it to the pile of weird, white, creamy substances I don’t want on anything, including ranch dressing, sour cream, cottage cheese, and male ejaculate.

Caviar

People eating caviar think they’re cosplaying some Russian czar but c’mon they’re just creepy fish eggs. There’s a reason no one ever goes to Beluga. (I’m assuming that’s a place. Maybe it’s a whale? I don’t care.) Also: Screw you, Putin. That said, I will watch Hunt for Red October any time it’s on TNT because I dig when Alec Baldwin imitates Sean Connery talking like a Scot while commanding a Russian sub because, like, what was that?

Sun dried tomatoes

It’s like beef jerky but tomato! But wait, did I mention it’s slimy too! Blech. No one needs tomato fruit rollups. Please stop putting these leathery things into my sandwiches and claiming they’re elite. Also, did the sun really dry these things? Show me the huge field where you’re bathing ‘em in sunlight – ‘cuz I think you just got a big ol’ food dehydrator and you’re trying to pull one over on me.

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Handmade pasta

I know, it’s “fancy” and “authentic,” but also it’s too chewy and the juice just ain’t worth the squeeze. Seriously, have you ever made some at home? Flour winds up in more places than sand at Burning Man. Plus, you gotta hang little dough ropes all over your apartment until it looks like some bizarre art project from Christo and Jeanne-Claude. Out-of-the-box pasta does the job just fine.

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“Hand cut” whatever

Enough with the “hand cut” potatoes/anything else. Everything cut with a knife is “hand cut.” That’s the way knives work. If what you really means is “not frozen” then just say that.

Rosé

So you’re ordering “Whispering Angel,” eh? I know you. You’re an influencer on vaca in the Hamptons who keeps saying “out east”, gets botox, saw Bethenny Frankel at a jewelry store earlier in the week, works in fashion, wears those huge baggy pants, and wants a little dog that fits in your purse but you just can’t commit because you’re out so much. You think you’re a Carrie, but you’re really a Miranda.

Onion rings

Onion rings are vegetables for people who hate vegetables. They’re just another excuse to eat deep fried batter. Plus, the onion slips right out of the breading half the time. I don’t like food that’s trying to escape itself. Also: The elevation is weird. I don’t like food that comes in a pile.

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Nachos

Oh, calm down. The problem with nachos is the uneven distribution of toppings that occurs as they’re piled up. Some chips are loaded (mmm), but way too many wind up naked (aww). Y’know how Bernie talks about the 1%? That’s how I feel about nachos. A few of the chips are killing it, but the rest are barely getting by. Gimme socialist nachos with equitable distribution of toppings or gimme none at all.

Pastrami

Specifically, the kind ya get at Katz’ or any other NYC deli. Again: It’s too damn high! Am I talking about the price or the height of the meat? Yes!

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Cream cheese

And same goes for cream cheese on bagels. Sure, it’s fine. But we don’t need seven ice cream scoops full of it. “Let. My. Bagel. Go.”

Feta

So you made cheese that tastes like chalk? And it’s the same texture too? Uh, congrats? My .02: Food shouldn’t crumble. (Exception: All bets are off if it’s feta with watermelon. I’m cool with that magical combo.)

Tuna fish (in salad/sandwich form)

Dude on the subway was eating a tuna fish sandwich the other day and my first thought was “I’d rather you were clipping your toe nails.” Note: Cooked tuna or tuna in sushi are fine. It’s that weird tuna-mayo weirdness and smell that makes me wanna sing, “Oooooh that smell/the smell of death surrounds you.”

Tonic

I don’t want quinine in my life. I don’t have malaria and I’m not a pirate. Ever had gin with club soda? It works just fine. And if tonic’s so great, how come we never want it any other time?

Wagyu/kobe beef

Wait, you massaged my cow? I need video evidence this happened. Besides, I wanna chow on a cow that’s been hustling, not lounging at the spa all day getting a mud bath and doing reiki. Also, I read the farmers play music for these cows!? I need to see that playlist. If that cow was listening to anything produced by Jack Antonoff, I’m out. However, if my bovine was vibing to “Whiter Shade of Pale,” I could be convinced.

Sweetbreads

Yoooooooooooo. You can’t give me organ meat and cover it up with a cutesy name. Tell me you’re thymus, man. Same for Rocky Mountain oysters and anything else disgusting that’s on the menu with some clever euphemism. That’s a ballsy bait and switch, baby.

Microbrews

If you live in a tier 2 city, going to a brewery feels like an event. Sorry for you/that, but no one interesting actually wants to talk about hops. Some of us managed to leave the small town, ok? But hey, enjoy your IPA, John Mellencamp playlist, and the lack of decent bread within a 20 mile radius.

Pancakes/muffins

Good for 2-3 bites and then it’s overkill. In reality, pancakes are just an excuse to eat dessert for breakfast. If you really want that, just man up and eat cake for breakfast.

Foie gras

I don’t know what it is and I don’t like having to pronounce it. Pretty sure it’s liver using French as a beard. Foila!

White pizza

Pizza should have tomato sauce. End of conversation. Stay in your lane, flatbread.

Lobster roll

$35 for a hot dog bun filled with briny muck!? I’ll take five turkey sandwiches instead and feed my imaginary family, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Blow torched anything

Ooh, you fancy. Mr. Blow Torch make your sushi go all fire emoji. This is just Salt Bae silliness but with heat. Hope your IG story gets so many hearts, though.

A**

Looking at you, Gen Z. Y’all out here eating a**. Crazy. I’m Gen X and we never ate a**. In fact, thongs were such a revelation to us that we had a song announcing their arrival. (Cisqo was like the Paul Revere of g-strings.) But I suppose us Gen Xers have a weird kink that Gen Z will never understand: making eye contact. Wait, maybe that’s why you’re all eating a**.

Hot sauce

Wha??? Look, I like hot sauce too. But the performative love for it has gone too far. Let’s get it straight: Declaring your love for hot sauce does not give you a personality. It’s the “wearing a fedora” of the food world. If Hillary Clinton and Beyoncé both brag about doing something, you know it’s gotta be totally mid. A friend once said, “I like the Beatles music, I just dislike the whole Beatles phenomenon.” Well, that’s how I feel about hot sauce.

Dishonorable mention: Bone marrow, white chocolate, four cheese pizza, matcha, gold flaked anything, kombucha, cauliflower whenever it is imitating something else, hard shell tacos, and Liquid Death.