🟥 Here's what Elon Musk’s numbskull fanbois don't get
On Twitter's Muskover, Netflix running ads, CNN-, and how nothing makes sense anymore. Also: Dems love losing, Christopher Hitchens, hippies vs. rednecks, Funny How launches, wokefishing, and more.
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I don’t have any serious beef with Elon Musk. Well, besides him sounding like a dweeb with all his boner jokes, 4/20 references, and various prepubescent trolling. It’s just disconcerting that he spends so much time playing Reply Guy™️ when he’s got dozens of companies to run and planets to colonize.
My real issue is with Musk’s numbskull fanbois who think he’s “one of them.” Poor people who think billionaires have their back are like hens who think the fox is going to protect their house. My message to these Muskovites: I know y’all love his trolling ways, but face it: He’s Just Not That Into You.
And while I don’t think all billionaires are evil, I do think pursuing that insane level of wealth is a form of mental illness. And when they try to convert that wealth into fame, it’s gross. Shoutout to all the billionaires who shut the f– up, fly under the radar, and just murder people on their megayachts without pretending to protect “the town square” or whatever.
I also dislike the notion that extreme wealth means you must be some kinda super genius. If you think Musk is that brilliant, I strongly encourage you to watch my breakdown of this clip with him and his then-fiancée, my favorite unintentionally funny video on YouTube…
He pretty much married a character from Arrested Development.
Re: the whole Twitter Muskover, we’ll see. I’m tempted to say Twitter couldn’t possibly get any worse, but that sounds like famous-last-words territory. I mean, I guess it’s nice that Musk wants to "authenticate all humans" – but also, that sure sounds like something a robot would say.
And viva free speech, right? After all, I’m an old school ACLU stan. But lately it’s starting to feel as if “free speech” has become, like “cancel culture” and “fake news,” a near-meaningless phrase. It seems odd to me when people against cancel culture argue for free speech because arguing that you want to cancel someone is free speech. “I hate that joke” IS free speech. "I want this person fired!" IS free speech. Boycotting advertisers IS free speech. Saying you'll cancel your subscription IS free speech. Private companies deciding to moderate content on its platform IS free speech. It feels like the whole conversation is backwards sometimes. Not to be all legalistic, but it ain’t the government cancelling anyone – so is any of this really a free speech issue? Also, I don’t recall hearing much from all these free speechophiles when Peter Thiel was putting Gawker outta business. Rich folks treat the first amendment like it’s a buffet where they get to snare the chicken skewers but leave the egg rolls behind.
So I seek clarity on what we’re really discussing. Are death threats free speech? How about Nazi propaganda? Fake doctors posting medical advice? Deep fake Tupac hologram multilevel marketing schemes? Plus, there’s the way predatory capitalism abuses “free speech” to frack our brain stems even further. If you want to know what a platform run by anti-moderation zealots looks like, just check out your SPAM folder.
Twitter is a platform that monetizes rage. Arguing it should have fewer rules just feels like a road to chaos. Twenty years ago, the worst things you could call someone was a p**ophile or a N*zi. Now, those terms are tossed around to describe anyone who vaguely disagrees with you. I feel the same way about social media as I do p0rn: I fear what’s next since we have to keep pushing the boundaries further and further in order to feel anything.
I’d say there’s a 70% chance Musk gets bored with his new toy quickly (running a content platform is a snooze compared to building rockets to Mars) and moves on to his next headline grabbing stunt. Also, it’s probably a great time to start a Twitter competitor that includes moderation. People tend to sour on decapitation threats.
Meanwhile, Netflix announced it’s floundering and has decided cracking down on password sharing and showing ads will right the ship. The idea that ads are the solution cracks me up because Hulu/the rest of 'em clearly can't sell any of their ad inventory; they keep showing me the same 5 ads OVER AND OVER on an infinite loop and one of ‘em is just NYC doctors telling me to mask up. If I see another Flo from Progressive ad, I may spontaneously combust.
And then there’s CNN+. More like CNN-, amiright? The mistake CNN made was thinking watching the network is an active choice made by fans of its content. In reality, it's a passive non-choice by those seeking ambient background noise at nursing homes, airports, & hotel rooms. No one is a CNN fan, we're just all fine if it's on.
CNN's original plan was for CNN+ “to become profitable in four years by investing $1 billion into the service” which is, well, a hilarious notion:
"We'll be profitable in 4 years!"
"How will you do that?"
"By spending $1 billion."
"Um, how do you define profitable?"
"Well, that's debatable."
But what do I know? I don’t really understand society anymore. Spending $1 billion is the path to profitability. Facebook is destroying democracy, but also no one uses it anymore. We need to “trust the science,” a discipline based on constantly questioning itself. We’re the most obese country in the world but also we're too fatphobic. We’re experiencing “the great resignation” but also everyone is broke AF. Up is down and left is right. I don't understand why we keep doing this to ourselves. But then again, it all makes perfect sense.
Do Dems love losing?
Re: those vids of people on flights celebrating the end of mask mandates, I get it – and I especially get why flight attendants are over it. In retrospect, it wasn't a great idea to have one of the most controversial rules this country's ever put in place enforced by flight attendants, restaurant hosts, and bouncers while actual police officers routinely ignored it.
Even without that, I understand the cheering: Seeing faces is nice, not seeing faces sucks. That’s not exactly a hot take, yet I rarely see the left acknowledge it. As the GOP veers toward full-on authoritarianism, undermines democracy, and elevates the biggest kooks in Kooktown, I wish we weren’t relying on incompetent Democratic leaders who don’t seem to grasp reality and what a clusterf– they’re facing.
There are no quick solutions to inflation/gas/Ukraine, so Dems should surf whatever waves they can catch. Instead of owning mask-wearing/mandates (a political loser), they oughta declare victory over Covid. America's over it anyway and, let’s be real, it's never 100% gonna be gone. Say, "We beat it!" Give the Biden administration credit. TAKE YES FOR AN ANSWER.
Biden could step up to a podium today and say "Weed is now legal nationwide and also I'm declaring victory over Covid" and boost his approval rating by 20% while not having to actually DO anything. And Americans could just keep doing exactly what they've been doing.
Also: This Jan. 6th investigation isn’t going anywhere; it’s trying to prove something America already knows and doesn’t seem to care about.
Meanwhile, the storm clouds gather. Dems need to confront the truth: At least some people love Trump, but NO ONE loves Biden. Same with Kamala, Pelosi, and Schumer. No one even wants to hear any of 'em speak. Human Ambien, all of 'em. You can't beat entertainment with sleeping pills.
The best answer I’ve got: FREE MAYOR PETE. Put him on every talk show constantly. He’s the only person in this administration who can speak extemporaneously. (I’d say “groom him to be next in line” but I don’t think we’re allowed to use the word groom anymore.) I don’t like him all that much, but your grandparents do and that’s what matters.
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Quickies
🎯 My personal brand is never saying the words "personal brand"
🎯 Hippies and rednecks have a lot in common. For example: Hippies love crystals and rednecks love crystal.
🎯 A city being a go-to location for bachelorette parties is the new leading indicator that it is/will become a tech hub.
🎯 Alternative energy source idea: Hook up the bikes at Soulcycle classes to generators. It's time we harness the power of white women's quads.
🎯 Kinda crazy how much more popular "a game of whack-a-mole” is as a phrase than actual whack-a-mole ever was as a game.
🎯 100% convinced the NBA on TNT guys are the only people on TV who genuinely like each other.
(More Quickies below for subscribers.)
Standup
I kinda hate how I gotta post standup clips to social all the time now, but I will say it strangely forces me to be in the moment more onstage, being present and searching for riffs. I’m sad that it’s moving the artform away from well-crafted bits though. Maybe I’ll write more on that soon. Anyway…
Recent standup clips of mine posted at YouTube:
Btw, YourKoreanDad (aka Nick Cho) chimed in on that last video…
Fun filming upcoming on Wednesdays if you’re in NYC…
Also, some new newsletter news: I just launched “FUNNY HOW.” Yes, it’s another (!) newsletter. This one’s for comedians (and comedy fans) about the art of standup. How it’s gonna work: Every Monday/Wednesday/Friday, I’ll post something about the actual craft of writing jokes, going onstage, and making a roomful of people laugh. More info/sign up:
Spotted
🗯 On “wokefishing” and deceptive dating strategies. Psychologists Roy Baumeister and Kathleen Vohs write:
Although this may be considered an unflattering characterization... we have found no evidence to contradict the basic general principle that men will do whatever is required in order to obtain sex, and perhaps not a great deal more. If in order to obtain sex men must become pillars of the community, or lie, or amass riches by fair means or foul, or be romantic or funny, then many men will do precisely that.
🗯 How to Build a Culture of Originality by Adam Grant. Get people to make judgements in private, not public. Maybe that’s why social media sucks so hard.
You get more and better ideas if people are working alone in separate rooms than if they are brainstorming in a group. When people generate ideas together, many of the best ones never get shared. Some members dominate the conversation, others hold back to avoid looking foolish, and the whole group tends to conform to the majority’s taste.
🗯 Internet communities are battling over pixels.
“Everyone needs a cult in the age of the Internet, everyone needs a group,” [Eugene Wei, a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco] said. “Part of the reason you need these cults is the landscape of social media. You need soldiers in your army to fight and defend against things. The Internet allows groups of people to amplify their impact by coordinating. In this way Place is a pure version of that.” In other words, if you don’t have a group to coordinate and amplify your message, your individual pixel or voice will get flipped and erased.
It was bad enough when everyone need their own tribe. But now we all need our own army!? Sigh.
Anyway, thanks for being part of MY army. Truly appreciate everyone who subscribes and helps spread the word.
(Below for subscribers: More Quickies re: crypto, vegan food, etc. and more spotted quotes re: Christopher Hitchens and despotism.)
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