š„ Fame is a form of mental illness
The "slap in the face" Oscars was the perfect collision of narcissism, ego, victimhood, and fame.
š° This is the Rubesletter from Matt Ruby (comedian,Ā writer,Ā and the creator ofĀ Vooza). Sign up to get it in your inbox weekly.
Once upon a time, one of the countryās top black comedians went up in front of a televised theater full of famous people and told an āoh daaaaaamn!ā joke about a celeb-in-the-crowdās girl. And you know what happened? Everybody laughed.Ā
Obviously, Iām not talking about Chris Rock and Will Smith. Iām talking about the time Martin Lawrence hosted Def Jam and went after rapper/executive producer/TV host Todd-1, who was in the crowd. Also in the room that night: Lawrence Taylor, Ice T, and Derrick Coleman. The relevant bit starts at 1:20 here:
Backstory: Todd-1, a host on MTV and BET, was dating MC Lyte at the time āĀ and even had her name tattooed on his chest. Martin was no stranger to MC Lyte and wanted the crowd to know: āHe got a tattoo on his chest, got MC Lyte on his sh*t. And I used to f*ck her.ā The crowd went wild. And then Martin added his tag: āHey, believe me. THERE'S A LOTTA LIGHT AT THE END OF THAT TUNNEL, BOY!!!!ā People in the room lost their minds.Ā
How did Todd-1 handle all this? After all, sure seems worse than some alopecia crack. He got up, walked toward the back as the crowd erupted in laughs, returned to his seat, high-fived his buddies, shrugged, and went on with his life ā presumably because it was a comedy show and he knew Martin was gonna Martin. Also, cameras.
After that, Martin called Ice-T an albino and mocked a girl in the crowdās weave by explaining, āThere's a bald horse in Central Park.ā And then he acted out what it's like to be a shivering horse.Ā Look, Martin hosting Def Jam was a real vibe shift.
Fame is a form of mental illness
Which brings us to Sunday night and the slap heard round the world. Personally, Iām still 50/50 on that slap being real. It sure looked theatrical ā and that thereās no other camera angle feels odd. Iāve been Zaprudering it and still havenāt seen clear evidence of contact. Rock seemed almost-prepped for it and Willās swaggering walk away seemed pretty hammy. Could this all have been a made-for-TV moment? Will they soon announce theyāre co-starring in Bad Boys 5 or whatever? Then again, everything after the slap sure felt authentic. The sound dropping out and Willās ākeep my wifeās nameā¦ā seemed trĆ©s legit, even considering heās one of the best actors in the world.Ā
Fine, letās just play it as it lies and say the whole thing was real.Ā So all this is because of some lame GI Jane joke? One that wasnāt very funny and relied on a dated reference that anyone under 40 probably didnāt understand? Or maybe itās because of the history of Rock going after Jada before (see the ā16 ceremony)? Regardless, whatever. When youāre the biggest movie star in the world and you publicize your whole familyās life, youāre gonna wind up getting ribbed at the Oscars. Jackās been dealing with it for decades. Just arch your eyebrows, make a face, and keep it moving. No one remembers this stuff anyway. Ricky Gervais has been saying way worse for years.
But Will Smithās been feeling himself. Heās been living that combo movie star/doculife where the center of attention is always him. Itās a nonstop ego play. Consider his p.o.v.: If you're a deranged narcissist who lives in a bubble surrounded by yes-men, someone making fun of a few bald spots is akin to a physical assault and must be defended as such. So he went off.
After all these years, The Oscars ceremony where he won Best Actor is the first time we've ever seen the real Will Smith. The mask finally dropped and it wasnāt aliens or robots that made it happen; it was a joke about his wifeās shaved head.
Ellen. Tom Cruise. Mel Gibson. Add Smith to the list. Is it still surprising that any of these people have monstrous tendencies? Fame is a form of mental illness enabled by a sea of hangers on who crave proximity to wealth, status, and power. Thatās why that whole theater clapped it up for Smith even after watching his temper tantrum. Hollywood and DC (aka āHollywood for ugly peopleā) are more similar than either would like to admit. The people at The Oscars are just prettier versions of Ted Cruz and Lindsay Graham: They make a deal with the devil so their calls get returned and they can obtain hard-to-get dinner reservations.
Thatās why that theater filled with supposed do-gooders didnāt kick Smith out. No one even booād him. In fact, they gave him a standing ovation. It was a real window into mass psychosis and how the Trumps/Weinsteins of the world get away with so much. You start to think the rules donāt apply to you when no one ever tells you no.
Smith even had the chutzpah to give a speech positioning himself as a victim. Thatās how compelling victimhood, especially the performative kind, is in our current culture; even the most powerful and wealthy in Hollywood want to lather themselves up in it. Trauma is the new Teflon.
Of course, Smith wasnāt really a victim. His ego just makes him feel that way. After all, narcissism and victimhood are wrapped up in each other. Itās all easily hurt feelings/centering yourself/no one else really matters.
In his speech, Smith explained heās a fierce defender of his family, a protector of coworkers, and ācalled onā to love/protect/be a river to his people. Apparently that river is powered by crocodile tears because those were also delivered.Ā āI look like the crazy father.ā Uh, well, yeah. Because you are. āLove will make you do crazy things.ā Ah yes, the abuserās refrain. Reminder from bell hooks: Love and abuse cannot coexist. And he went over his allotted time because of course he did. No symphony was gonna play him off. The rules donāt apply to Will Smith.
At least he offered this slight glimpse of reality in his speech: āIn this business, youāve got to be able to have people disrespecting you. And youāve got to smile and pretend like thatās OK.ā So he does kinda get it. Thatās exactly what you have to do when youāre the President, Jeff Bezos, the most powerful person in Hollywood, etc.. When youāre the boss, people complain. When you spend decades striving to be THE BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD, you sign up for a few jokes at your expense.
Being offended is a form of narcissism
The joke wasnāt even that she looked ugly/bad, it was that she looked like someone with a shaved head āĀ WHICH SHE CLEARLY DOES. Alopecia isnāt a form of cancer or whatever, itās hair loss brought on by anxiety. Rock didnāt really say anything mean, he merely pointed out what everyone in the room could already see. But just like the emperor with no clothes, Smith couldnāt stand to have his wifeās naked head discussed.
Some defended Smith afterwards. Tiffany Haddish (who starred in a movie with Jada): āThatās what every woman wants, right? She was hurt. And he protected his wife. And thatās what a man is supposed to do.ā Ayanna Pressley (who has alopecia too): āShout out to all the husbands who defend their wives living with alopecia.ā
Got it. Toxic masculinity is terrible ā unless itās being used to stand up for you. Then itās just doing āwhat a man is supposed to do.āĀ Great lesson to teach the kids.
āOur bodies are not public domain. They are not a line in a joke,ā wrote Pressley. But she doesnāt get to decide what is or isnāt a joke. Thatās now how comedy works. The audience laughs or it doesnāt, thatās what tells you if itās a joke. Itās not all about you. Everyone in a room is offended by something; if we cross off everyoneās pet issue, then comedy ceases to exist.
"I was offended by that joke." Well, did the rest of the room laugh? Because there are other people in the world and their feelings matter too. Offended people have decided the way they feel is more important than everyone elseās feelings. But that doesn't mean itās true or worthy of respect. Just because your feelings are hurt, it doesnāt mean youāre right.Ā
How I like to respond to the offended: I make fun of the holocaust, why do you think [their pet issue here] should be out of bounds? The real subtext of āIām offendedā is āMy feelings are more important than everyone elseās.ā
Oddly, slapgate provided the only moments of reality in the whole broadcast. The rest was a bunch of fame whores massaging each otherās egos while wearing $300K necklaces and pretending the whole circlejerk was actually a way to honor the deaf theater community, queer people who live in Ford Focuses, and/or that little girl who one day dreams of blah blah blah and this acceptance speech will change her life because me me me now cue the in memoriam with the choir singing āSpirit in the Skyā because Can We Jazz Up The Dead People Section A Bit? #ratings
Comedians are now worried about audience members charging the stage. Eh, weāll see. Iām not sure Will Smith is that influential. And remember, comedians are professional complainers.
Awards shows and comedy donāt mix
Weāve gotten so used to muting and blocking, we think we can do it everywhere (and to anyone) now. Weāre all sealed in our bubble of people who agree with us ā and no one more so than celebs.
The real problem was Chris Rock was telling jokes in front of people who donāt want comedy. The celebs in that room just wanted to be feted with an uninterrupted massage. Donāt bring the jester to the court if the king canāt handle it.
The Oscars, like the White House Correspondentās Dinner, is probably headed to a non-comedy future. Because comedy, by design, ruins phony facades. Thatās why thereās an inherent conflict between jokes and awards. Jerry Seinfeld addressed this chasm in his acceptance speech when he won an award back in 2007:
Your whole career as a comedian is about making fun of pretentious, high minded, self-congratulatory B.S. events like this one. The whole feeling in this room of reverence and honoring is the exact opposite of everything I have wanted my life to be about. I really donāt want to be up here. I want to be in the back over there ā somewhere over there saying something funny to somebody about what a crock this whole thing isā¦
Awards are stupid. Every real estate office has some framed, five-diamond presidentās award thing by the desk, every hotel check-in has some gold circle service thing; every car salesman is a platinum jubilee winner. Itās all a big jerk off. It is. The hotel sucks, the real estate person is stupid, and the only thing the car salesman is good at is ripping you off.
And why? Because awards donāt mean a goddamn thing. Itās stupid, theyāre all stupid. All of the award shows on TV. Honestly, itās beyond me that we feel the need to set aside a night to give out these jaggoff bowling trophies six times a year, so all these people can pat each other on the back about how much money theyāre making; boring the piss out of half the world. And if I hadnāt already won all these awards, I would not be talking like this.
Jerry called it long ago. We all know the truth: Will Smith is a pretentious, high-minded bullsh*tter. The Oscars is all about undeserved reverence and over-the-top honors for people who are professional liars. The people who attend should be mocked because itās all a big jerk off. Remember: Scorcese didnāt win until The Departed. What?
āAt your highest moment, be careful, that's when the devil comes for you.ā Thatās what Smith said Denzel told him. Of course, Smith made it seem as if he was the victim of some nefarious dark force. But I hear that phrase as a lesson about narcissism and how we all must monitor ourselves, especially as we reach the summit. When youāre the most full of yourself is when your ego is most likely to spin out of control and take you over the edge. Every movie needs a good twist: Will, the devil was inside you all along.
Anyway, next year, letās have Martin host The Oscars. I canāt wait to see what he has to say about Meryl Streepās hair.
Standup
I'm telling jokes in North Carolina this week. Gonna make fun of Coach K's hair and see what happens.
3/30 | Durham, NC
3/31 | Raleigh, NC
4/1 | Asheville, NC
4/8-9 | Bristol, TN
Some recent clips over at my IG:
Quickies
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š„ It's nice that weed is medicine now because it means I can tell people the first thing I do every morning is practice wellness.
š„ If you met your partner in real life, people now treat you as if you run a farm to table restaurant. "Oh, so organic! Love it. How exactly does one do that?"
š„ Iām too broke to be a sugar daddy and too old to be a f*ckboi.
š„ The worse the city, the more they want to talk about their microbrews.
š„ The reason I think you need to separate the art from the artist is I've spent my life around artists and they're fucking awful. Imagine how repugnant you need to be as a human being to dedicate your life to making things that garner you the approval of others!
š„ A lot of our problems began when nerds started doing this whole "I'm the bad boy of science" shtick to get clicks.
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