After a few minutes, Domingo moseyed over toward me. He had a brown coat and downcast eyes.

What I knew about Domingo: Before coming to his new home, he’d been a racehorse and then a workhorse for the Amish, who are notorious for grinding horses down by overworking them. He was the newest here and was continually dominated by one of the other horses (who was working through a whole different set of issues).

Domingo seemed guarded but was willing to stay put and let me pet him. I stroked his sides and noticed the twitch of his muscles as he tried to shoo flies from his fur. He gently nudged me with his snout.

S. came over and asked me how I would describe this horse. “Shy and a little bit scared. Still trying to find his place here. But underneath it, I think he’s playful. And that will come out once he’s more comfortable.”

S. replied, “And who does that remind you of?”

I knew the answer before she finished asking. Damn. OK.

I explained how that description sounded like me when I was a kid. Folks now consider me an extrovert, but I wasn’t always that way. With my late December birthday, I was always the youngest in my class. I clammed up in social situations. No one came to my little league games. Nor my high school basketball games. I mean, I wasn’t getting much playing time so why would they?

Plus, my parents weren’t exactly helicopter parents showering me with attention. I tell a joke about how they were more like submarine parents: cold, distant, kept everything under the surface, could go nuclear at a moments notice, etc. An exaggeration based on truth.

At least I was smart, though. That seemed to please my parents. I remember them touting how I was in our school’s gifted and talented program. At ten years old, my grandmother encouraged me to go to Harvard. So OK, be smart. That makes them happy.

The rest? I pushed it down. Or so I thought.

But that’s when I started thinking about my adult life and how I seek attention, especially onstage. I’ve done it thousands of times now (first in a band, later as a comedian). I always smelled the ego in that, so I’ve tried my best to deserve that attention. I’ve tried to make quality stuff. I want to be worthy of people noticing me.

And then there’s women. I took some comfort there, I do declare. A pretty girl on my arm offered a sweet hit of affirmation. However, all that means I’ve spent a lot of life force chasing things that couldn’t (or didn’t) love me back.

I leak energy chasing validation.

“What did that child want?” asked S. I discussed all of that. He wanted to be told he was worthy of attention, regardless of the hoops he jumped through. That he was good enough, deserved love, and it wasn’t his fault that people were sometimes mean to him.

S. suggested I take all that and make it my intention during the plant ceremony that night. To go back and give that child, me, the nurturing parenting he longed for back then.

A few hours later I was on a mat after sipping the tea. When the medicine hit, it was blissful anarchy, a combination of kaleidoscopes, waterfalls, casinos, jungle kisses, doors opening onto other doors, MC Escher ladders turning into each other, spinning rims, and Greek gods. Everything was beautiful and silly. I felt like I was being injected into the cells of a forest root system.

I remembered S.’ advice that you can steer the medicine. You can instruct it to show you what you need. So I went back to that childhood version of myself. Painful data points I hadn’t thought about it in years reemerged from my memory.

It’s strange how much the negative stuff lingers. I used to fake injuries during soccer games, stopping the game so the adults would gather round me.

I would get teased by classmates and face the laughter of my peers. In middle school, an older student brought his dad’s hunting knife to the playground and held it to my throat while his buddies egged him on.

For perhaps the first time in my adult life, I stared down these things. And I saw the child on the other side of them, the scared one wondering, “Do I deserve this? Is there something wrong with me? Is that why this is happening?”

And that’s when I began purging. The bucket caught all that pain and buried fears. I turned to my trusty friend analysis. I tried to examine what was happening. And then I gave up on that.

I realized there was no thinking here. Something stored in my body was leaving. A residue had been scraped loose and was finally washing away. I wasn't discovering an idea. I was ejecting pain. This wasn’t words or ideas, this was body.

Finally, I put the bucket down. I now felt lighter. I imagined myself as a boy and tried telling that kid all the things I wished I had heard. “You are worthy of attention. You deserve praise. Even if you aren’t super smart or talented, you are still lovable and loved. You are doing a good job. Everything is going to work out alright. In fact, so many of your dreams will come true. Just you wait.”

And I had empathy for my parents, too. I also saw them as children and realized how much their parents didn’t give them what they had secretly needed. It’s a chain we carry forward. We all go around spackling holes from our childhood.

Afterwards, there was a second cup of medicine offered. I went up and spoke with S. I was going to tell her what happened, but I sensed she already knew. I nodded and she returned a knowing look. The only thing I could say: “It wasn’t about words.”

I considered taking a second cup and then realized I didn’t need more. I’d had enough.

As I walked back to my mat, I thought about Domingo. One day he’ll stop letting that other horse push him around. He doesn’t know his own strength yet. He’ll get there.

This video was filmed by and you should check out his Substack for cool photography, videos, nature/culture stuff, etc. This vid is a decent summary of my worldview re: tech and humanity – and there’s a couple more clips like it below too.

Transcript:

Screens make everyone feel like some kind of emperor. “I should get what I want when I want. I’m right all the time. Anyone who disagrees with me is the enemy.”

You see it manifesting everywhere, most obviously in politics. You’re a progressive, you’re Antifa, you’re evil, you need to be stopped. You’re MAGA, you’re steering us into fascism, you need to be stopped. But get those same people in a room actually talking about what should happen at the school district and, a lot of times, some compromise could be reached. But online, it’s just two rams butting heads.

The same thing is happening in dating. All these men are listening to other men tell them how to feel, and all the women are listening to other women tell them how to feel. When really, men should be listening to women and women should be listening to men — because that, in my opinion, is the magic of having different genders. The duality. The yin and yang. Completing each other.

Instead you’ve got incels listening to each other: “These gold-digging women, all they want is this or that, screw them.” And you’ve got women: “Everything’s a red flag, everything gives me the ick. I didn’t like the way he put his ChapStick on, it was weird.” Well, you might have to get used to that. That’s part of life in a relationship — compromising.

Online you never have to settle. You’re always told you’re right. It’s constant ego inflation, non-stop. And then real life becomes untenable because you go out into the world and suddenly you have to negotiate, compromise, persuade someone else. Online, you’re just told you’re right all the time.

It keeps popping up everywhere: I can live in my screen and have my ego stroked, or I can get off my screen and negotiate things that are tricky, uncomfortable, and human. And that friction — that’s why people just plug back in.

Be an outsider

It’s the inside people vs. the outside people (also filmed by Noah):

Transcript:

I think eventually we’re going to descend into inside people and outside people.

The inside people will just stay inside and live life on a screen. Their whole life is a video game. They’re plugged into AI, they’ve got a robot girlfriend, they dunk on each other online on social media.

Then there’s the go-outside people who actually touch grass, go into nature, go to comedy shows or concerts or church, go out dancing — people who exist around real human beings and have to negotiate interactions with other people in real life.

There’s going to be a fork in the road where people either plug into that video game life or actually live a farm-to-table life.

I think there’s a middle ground now, but I wonder if it’s going to slowly evaporate. Going offline will become a luxury item — the same way you can pay money to buy something that makes your phone not work, or there are luxury resorts with no Wi-Fi, or comedy clubs that take your phone away and lock it in a pouch. The luxury item becomes having technology taken away from you.

And then, in order to prevent a revolution, the poor, suffering people will just plug into constant stimulation — fed slop all the time that keeps them satiated and not noticing what a bummer the rest of their lives are.

🔌 If you find yourself looking forward to The Rubesletter, the best way to support is by becoming a paid subscriber. You'll get access to subscriber-only posts, the archives, and you'll help keep the newsletter going strong. Otherwise, the robots win.

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Instagram vs. IRL

From Ep 99 of Artists of NY podcast:

Transcript:

Technology is ripping us apart at the seams. Poisoning our minds. Turning us into morons. Making us all hate each other. Making us unable to understand nuance or tolerate complexity in any form — in favor of tribalism and ego stroking. We just exist on devices all day that tell us we’re right about everything and anyone who disagrees is the enemy.

You go to Instagram and everyone’s more beautiful than they are in real life. You go to a podcast and everyone’s more interesting than they are in real life. You go to ChatGPT and it tells you how amazing and thoughtful you are.

And then you come home to your wife and she’s telling you that you load the dishwasher wrong. And you’re like, “How do I mute you? You’re not as pretty or as interesting as what I’ve been consuming all day.”

So I think technology is turning us away from being human. Away from understanding other human beings. Away from empathy and compassion. And I think that’s the root cause of so much of what’s going wrong in society right now.

So now I just have to figure out how to make that funny. That’s all.

Funny How

Over at Funny How newsletter, I’ve been writing about the craft and business of comedy: whether YouTube or Netflix is the better home for a special, how artists actually make a living, why bombing matters, what the algorithm wants from comedians, the enduring appeal of roasts, lessons from comics like Roy Wood Jr., the Adam Carolla joke that Jerry Seinfeld loves, and more. If that sounds up your alley, come check it out…

Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

Comic Matt Ruby offers standup comedy philosophy, advice, and inspirational quotes from great comedians. Some praise for posts here...Judd Apatow: "Great." Gary Gulman: “Love this!”

By Matt Ruby

Adios.

-M.

P.S. Two more related bits…

1) Here’s a bonus segment of “Substance” that relates too. It’s about the antidote to all this screen addiction and why the stage feels like a holy space to me.

2) Similar themes here too…

What that interview really proved: Everything is rebooted IP now.

Also…

Vocal fry: It’s not just for women anymore.

But is the hate for these consultants warranted? I mean, I get it. Clearly they suck at vetting, Platner turned out be a gross bum, and the Dems may now lose that Senate seat. (And yes, I’m patting myself on the back because I was never onboard with him.)

However…

Didn’t these consultants almost pull off a legendary political heist? They scraped the lobster pots, found an unknown mustache, got him on the ticket, and turned him into the face of a political movement. People around the country were rallying around him big time.

I gotta think that whole scenario (i.e. manufacture a candidate from scratch and watch the public buy in) is the wet dream of every political consultant. It’s a cinematic plotline a la Trading Places, The Manchurian Candidate, or Being There.

The obvious caveat is they did a godawful job figuring out who the guy actually was.

Still, it feels weird to act like they didn’t do anything right when they clearly “read the room” masterfully and almost Chauncey Gardinered a 🦪🧑‍🌾 into a Senator.

Again, I never bought into Platner and I hope Susan Collins loses. But I guess I feel the same way about these consultants as I do those Louvre thieves: They may not have gotten away with it, but it’s impressive they managed to even come that close.

More on politics:

🗣️ Any other lessons to takeaway from Platnergate? A: It was his voice that sucked people in. Dude always sounded like he was narrating a pickup truck commercial…and wow do rural folks like pickup trucks. So Dems: Run more men with deep voices and just hand ‘em voiceover scripts that sound like a Ford F-150 ad:

Built to work. Built to govern. And the power to leave it behind. If you’ve been seeking a way to stick it to the elites, look no further than me, a lumberjack they plucked from a dive bar in Bangor. I can wield an axe, pull a lot of weight, and still leave the herd behind. Confident, rugged, and resilient. If you haven’t looked at the Democrat ticket lately, look again. [This message was not sponsored by AIPAC.]

Can I be a political consultant now too?

🗣️ OK, one more Platner joke:

The US Senate is no place for a man credibly accused of sexual assault. He’d fit in way better on the Supreme Court.

It’s funny because it’s…sad.

🗣️ I usually trot this one out for disappointed 🍊 voters, but this week it’s for disappointed Platner fans too…

🗣️ Oh, and the other big story in politics: Mitch McConnell is probably dead and the GOP is covering it up in order to hang onto his seat. Honestly, I get it. That level of cheating in order to horde power is the best way to honor his legacy.

🔌 This was written by a human, not AI. If you want more of that, maybe support, y’know? You’ll get bonus stuff and archive access too. Thanks.

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Comedy

New set on YouTube: Jokes about emojis, dragons, stalkers, the masculinity crisis, parole board dating, Skyrizi, scapegoats, and why men need mushrooms. Get some.

Yellow Cards and VAR

World Cup: There’s a lot of chatter going on about why the US Men’s Soccer team sucked again. I think it’s because soccer codes as female to Americans. I mean, compare it to basketball…

• Basketball has triple doubles. Stats count. Soccer has clean sheets. Thread count.

• Basketball: “Posterized.” So visual. Soccer: “Nutmegged.” Sounds like a boost to your pumpkin spice latté.

• Basketball ends when the clock hits zero. Soccer ends when the referee feels like it.

• In basketball, a player gets whistled for a technical. In soccer, the ref goes, “I got you a card.” It’s all about drawing boundaries: “Yellow means what you did gave me the ick. Keep going and it’s a red fla–, er, card.”

• In basketball, the scoring never stops. In soccer, the whole game is players who are almost there. It’s downright tantric. 90 minutes of edging and then everybody celebrates a 1-0 finish.

• In basketball, players constantly reach for blocks. In soccer, they keep their arms behind their backs…“You got handsy…penalty!”

• In basketball, the ref reviews instant replays on the sideline. In soccer, the ref consults three other Video Assistant Referees (VARs) in a booth – it’s basically the ref going to the group chat to find out what the girlies think.

More soccer:

⚽️ Soccer fans in Europe are hooligans who behave awfully, But bring ‘em to America and they’re all good vibes and friendly celebrations. Turns out ranch dressing and Big Gulps hath charms to soothe a savage breast.

⚽️ [Dons analyst hat] I used to think top scorers in soccer were like the great scorers in basketball. But watching Messi/Haaland this tourney, I’m realizing they’re actually closer to great rebounders, like Charles Barkley, Josh Hart, or Dennis Rodman. They just seem to have a sixth sense for where the ball is going to be. Their savant-level understanding of physics/angles/game-flow allows them to live in the future.

⚽️ All these countries hate immigrants until…

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Quickies

🎯 MC in MC Escher stands for Maurits Cornelis which stands for MC in MC Escher which stands for Maurits Cornelis which stands for MC in MC Escher which stands for Maurits Cornelis which stands for MC in MC Escher which stands for...

🎯 Nothing is surprising anymore. And that shocks me.

🎯 A lot of “authenticity” is just selfishness in disguise.

🎯 It is what it is. Everything happens for a reason. That’s just the way things are. (We can stop talking now, right?)

🎯 Smartphones taught us an important lesson. The thing we fear most isn’t tyranny, loneliness, or anxiety. The thing we fear most is boredom. We are willing to let all those other things slide into the abyss as long as we remain entertained.

🎯 Technology is truly disruptive. For example: This is the first time history is being written by the the losers.

🎯 Automatic captions really cannot handle the word “milquetoast.”

🎯 You know Shawshank Redemption is fiction because it’s a prison where no one cares about race.

🎯 Our brains love stories so much that they keep telling them even after we go to sleep.

🎯 Going to TikTok or Instagram to fix your mental health is like going to the demolition derby to get your car repaired.

🎯 I still can’t get over Jeff Bezos saying poems must rhyme.

🎯 I feel like human beings are not meant to pivot instantly from engagement ring photos to choreography to “I have cancer” posts. Yo Meta, give us a palate cleanser in between ‘em for chrissakes.

🎯 Kinda funny how much people on social media love that “man in the arena” quote. Dude, you’re complaining via tweet 24/7. It’s not exactly “doer of deeds” heroism.

🎯 Your ego is a balloon and your phone is the helium tank that fills it. On your screen, you are the center of the universe. IRL you must orbit around others – and, for many, that has become untolerable.

🎯 psyoptimist - guy who thinks everything must be a psyop

🎯 I never want to have a conversation with anyone who uses the terms situationship, false flag, psyop, or red-pilled. I get it, you spend too much time online.

🎯 When said aloud, “misogynistic” just sounds like you’re describing someone who really loves massages.

🎯 A lot of the guys we talk about getting “cancelled” were really just given a time out.

🎯 As a kid, cartoon animals sold us cereal (e.g. Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, Trix Rabbit). Now, every cartoon animal is trying to sell us life insurance (Lemu Emu, Geico Lizard, etc.)

🎯 The CarFax mascot is Car Fox and I’m sorry, but that’s just a bit too on the nose for me.

🎯 I’m featured in Deadline’s excellent “Comedy Means Business” newsletter (thanks to Matt Grobar). More coming soon there too. And if you want more of my musings on comedy and the craft of standup, you should be getting my other Substack FUNNY HOW.

Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

Comic Matt Ruby offers standup comedy philosophy, advice, and inspirational quotes from great comedians. Some praise for posts here...Judd Apatow: "Great." Gary Gulman: “Love this!”

By Matt Ruby

Thanks for being stellar.

-Matt

P.S. Video with some highlights from the last Rubesletter…

But am I the only one who kinda enjoys that America sucks at (men’s) soccer? It's for the rest of the world. They're completely obsessed and we only pretend to care once every four years. Unlike the rest of the globe, we won’t even use the word “football” – because the sport we do care about snared it.

Lotta hubris to expect all that to yield results. We don't put in the inputs of effort/focus so why should we expect the output of winning? We've got offshore drilling, Silicon Valley, and stealth bombers. Let the Cape Verdes of the world have this.

Meanwhile the US Women’s team kicks a**. Feels odd. Same sport, same country...wildly different outcomes. My theory on why:

In this piece, Thierry Henry looks at why the rest of the world dominates:

“The only way out of the hood” is tough to compete with. Also shows how the French gotta do everything opposite of us. In America, the suburbs are where you move when you get money. In France, the suburbs are where they put everyone who doesn’t have money.

Of course, the President stuck his beak in the mix which turned out poorly (because of course it did).

Sports competition is about equal opportunity. Do you think Senegal coulda had their President call up FIFA and get a call overturned? If not, 47’s action made the entire competition corrupt and reinforced every negative stereotype the world has about America in the process. Yo Donnie: Just because you cheat at sports (and everything else) doesn’t mean America wants you to do the same on our behalf.

Despite America’s lameness, this World Cup has been a blast. (Have you tried unemployment mixed with the World Cup? It’s the best pairing since chocolate and peanut butter.)

The FIFA feed must be an international pool thing because they constantly zoom in on foreign hotties in the crowd in a way US sports coverage never does anymore (because the Brent Musburgers of the world couldn’t keep it in their pants). And I like announcers with fancy accents. They’re so obsessed with “clean sheets” that they’re starting to remind me of my ex.

The biggest winner so far is Norway, which has become the Knicks of this tournament. Erling Haaland is Jalen Brunson and the next round has them facing England, which is Wemby (sorry, France). I’m running back the glory of June all over again. And that matchup is giving historical vibes…

You’ve seen the Viking row (the bang-the-drum-and-chant Norwegian celebration), right?

Accelerando. That’s a big reason why it works so well. It slowly picks up tempo until it explodes at the end. Reminds me of how great pop songs used to build this way: Come on Eileen, The Chain, and Free Bird, for example.

But you don’t hear that much anymore. Modern music production revolves around click tracks and fixed BPMs so gradual tempo changes are less common. We traded musicians reacting to one another in the same room for layered overdubs.

The Norwegian celebration is a reminder of the primal power of loose rhythm and people syncing with each other. Modern recording’s quest for efficiency and precision often smooths away the humanity that makes things actually feel alive.

Ro!

Meanwhile, some politician in Paraguay said racist crap about Mbappe, but I refuse to dig into that one. I miss the days when I had no idea what Paraguayan senators said.

I once heard someone say the local TV news delivered the worst thing that happened the closest to you. Well, social media provides the worst thing that happened far away. Oh, great.

Morgan Housel explained it this way:

The decline of local news has all kinds of implications. One that doesn’t get much attention is that the wider the news becomes the more likely it is to be pessimistic. Two things make that so:

• Bad news gets more attention than good news because pessimism is seductive and feels more urgent than optimism.

• The odds of a bad news story—a fraud, a corruption, a disaster—occurring in your local town at any given moment is low. When you expand your attention nationally, the odds increase. When they expand globally, the odds of something terrible happening in any given moment are 100 percent.

Speaking of bad news…

Graham Platner accused of…so many things

Yo progressives: Maybe making the PTSD blackout drunk with the N*zi tattoo the face of your cause wasn’t a great idea after all.

These days, having common sense makes you feel like some kinda prophet! This was me a few weeks back…

Call me crazy, but what if the Dems ran candidates who didn’t recently have a stroke or PTSD?

and…

I just can’t with this: “I was an alcoholic with PTSD who behaved badly in all kinds of ways. But hey, that was Tuesday. I’m a new man now! Put me in charge. It’s fine.” Give it a minute (well, decade), please.

He didn’t know the tattoo he had for 20 years was a N*zi tattoo!? Honestly, that might be even worse. You and your crew are a bunch of goddamn fools if you all got inked with Totenkopfs and couldn’t figure it out for decades.

At first, many in the Platner posse leaped to call it all a psyop funded by AIPAC – or some other BS. So this is a good moment to clock who in your timeline is a normal human being and who is an insane, overly online tribalist spouting off about conspiracies in the face of clear evidence.

The reluctance to dump Platner is showing “Believe women” vs. “I hate AIPAC” is irresistible force meets immovable object for some progressives.

The power of love

NEW YORK (AP) — Two people scaled the Empire State Building’s antenna Wednesday and unfurled a banner about “the power of love.”

Pretty sure I know who was behind that stunt…

Reunion tour, anyone?

Actually, it turns out it was two Russians who rode an elevator, got engaged, took selfies, and unfurled a banner with a Jimi Hendrix quote. This is our age’s daredevil behavior? Even our stunts seem AI now. Gimme a guy in a jumpsuit on a rickety motorcycle leaping over a fountain and breaking 60 bones. Now THAT is America.

T. Swift got married

Six thoughts on the big wedding…

Read more

The response to the 🇳🇴 rowing thing feels like proof that social media has zero historical context. There, the same people who detest colonizers have no problem cheering on Norwegians pretending to be VIKINGS. Phew, I got some bad news for these DSA fans about Erik the Red. Proof, yet again, that it all depends on when you start the clock.

Speaking of clocks…

Soccer fans: “How much time is left in the game?”
Ref: “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
Soccer fans: “Couldn’t you just put it on the scoreboard.”
Ref: “Nah. All eyes on me, baby.”

This refusal to show the actual time remaining reminds me of that old Seinfeld joke about 🇨🇳 and 🥢:

I’ll tell you what I like about FIFA: They’re hanging in there with keeping time on the field, aren’t they? You know they’ve seen scoreboards with clocks. They’re staying with “You’ll know the game’s over when I say so.”

Maybe standup should work more like the World Cup: “That’s the official end of my set…but y’all didn’t seem to get my dating material so I’m gonna add on two minutes of penalty time to do an extra bit on Ozempic.”

And how about that Mexican team? Last night was a tough time to dine out in NYC…

“Why is our order taking so long?”
-White people when Mexico is playing in the World Cup

Meanwhile, Brazil’s game winner was scored by Gabriel Martinelli. Dude makes fire apple juice and now this? Impressive range.

While there’s no apple juice, they are letting players drink fluids mid-match now. It’s pretty fun that the hydration break is when the rest of us all get up to p*ss.

Meanwhile, our timelines are filled with foreigners who love Big Gulps, Costco, and American excess. But do we really need the World Cup to make us learn other countries are fun? How about we do “cultural exchange programs,” like they have in high schools, but it’s sending a few thousand folks from one country to another continent on the regular. Could heal the world.

Just be careful with those Vikings, though. The whole thing seems cute for nowwwwwww...

MLB Pride

⚾️ This is why I only put Quran verses on my MLB pride cap!

⚾️ If baseball bros gotta wear gay stuff for Pride month, then it’s only fair that we force gay men to dress up like bikers, sailors, cowboys, construction wor– Oh, wait a minute.

⚾️ Still one of the greatest sports quotes ever:

Behind the paywall

Up ahead: Caitlin Clark controversy strikes again, more on the fantastic Knicks, and political musings on the DSA’s wins and the reflecting pool.

Read more

(Transcript below for those who prefer reading.)

The secret of the manosphere

I don’t think the manosphere is teaching these guys what they think it’s teaching them.

Like, it’s all about looksmaxxing and conspiracy theories and then they attract male followers so they can sell them crypto and supplements. And let’s break that down.

Looksmaxxing, that’s just chasing unobtainable beauty standards. Women have been doing that forever, alright?

Conspiracy theories, that’s just the belief that unseen powers control the universe. And that sounds a lot like astrology. You know who’s been believing that forever? Women.

Attracting male followers, guess who’s been doing that forever? Women.

Crypto and supplements, that sounds a lot like Avon and Tupperware parties. Welcome to multi-level marketing. You know who’s been doing that forever? You got it. Women.

So manosphere bros, I hate to break it to you. They’re not teaching you how to be men. The manosphere is teaching you how to be women.

If you really want to learn how to be an alpha male, start like, looking into feminism, y’know? Listen to Call Her Daddy. Read Lean In. Check out some Gloria Steinem. Listen to Destiny’s Child. They’ll teach you how to be a boss b*tch, which is pretty much an alpha male.

And all these guys who are trying to teach you how to be an alpha male, they’re just trying to pimp you out. Like, you’re the mark. They’re conning you.

It’s crazy times. The only alpha males left are feminists. What a world.

🔌 Want more of THIS kind of manliness? Then pay for a subscription. You’ll get bonus stuff, access to the archives, and the sweet hit of knowing you’re supporting an indie guy fighting the good fight against the algorithm. Appreciate it.

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Related:

…which is the richest county in the country per capita. So how did I afford it? By staying here:

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I ain’t saying they’re equally bad, but both sides are overflowing with crap. Let’s take a look…

🫏 LEFT BS: How can so many on the left justify the assassination of that United Healthcare CEO?

When you live life online, everything becomes a video game. That’s why so many screen addicts were able to justify Luigi gunning down someone’s dad in midtown (and so much else). Eventually, everyone who’s not you just becomes a NPC in an adventure game. It’s like how you can run over a hooker in Grand Theft Auto and it’s fine. Screens compress reality until everything just feels like pixels.

🐘 Right BS: Why do the elites hate MAGA so much?

Spokesman for the elites here! The thing is MAGA does not have an ideology, it is a cult of personality. That’s why it’s willing to violate its alleged “beliefs” whenever dear leader says so. See: foreign intervention (Venezuela & Iran), 2A (Alex Pretti), free speech (Jimmy Kimmel), government overreach (ICE), etc. Basically it’s for people who want to obey, not think. Also, elites are people who travel, read books, and create art. Those are pathways to empathy and compassion, things MAGA seems allergic to. If the people who do those things and feel those ways fervently disagree with you, maybe it’s time to ask yourself just why that is.

🫏 LEFT BS: Why does the left keep losing the culture war?

Dems could say this: “I love America. Men aren’t inherently toxic. Capitalism is a great system when it’s done fairly. And it’s good when people are religious.” Voila. Instant landslides. Take yes for an answer! But we. just. can’t. Instead, the left marinates in identity, grievance, and purity tests – a formula that yields Likes on social media but iffy-at-best results in any election that isn’t in safe blue territory. Grrrr. Dems always seem to forget the goal is to win swing states, not comment sections.

🐘 Right BS: Many who voted for 47 now say, “This isn’t what I voted for.” Should we forgive them?

First of all, it is what they voted for. They voted for a con man and they got conned. I can forgive them if they look in the mirror and examine how they got fooled. Who did they trust that they shouldn’t have? What media did they consume that they shouldn’t? How did they wind up purchasing a suitcase full of snake oil? Because plenty of us were out here shrieking about it constantly and they somehow managed to either not see us or completely ignore us. I’m like the Backstreet Boys: Tell me why! I need a reckoning with all that before I decide to let bygones be bygones.

🔌 No AI here. Just lil’ ol’ me. Hunting and pecking. Subscribe and share!

Below the paywall: 40+ observations on The Left's BS, The Right's BS, and America's BS. Plus: ambient payola, lawn-owner conservatism, protests vs. rallies, and more.

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Normally, I’m the kind of guy who likes to watch the game at home. I actually want to hear the announcers. I don’t want my view blocked out by a bunch of people ordering nachos.

This Knicks run was different though. I wanted to watch with a group. I wanted to share the positive vibes. I wanted to feel that tension of them falling behind seemingly every game (stress) and coming back in the fourth quarter (joy). It was as if the script for each game followed the hero’s journey. The 2026 NY Knicks: “We don’t wake up until it’s time to close.”

I wanted to high five strangers who were thinking the same thing: Is this really happening? I wanted to jump up and down and hug someone. At the final buzzer, I turned to my friend, hugged him, and said, “We are world f*cking champions! I’m gonna remember you and this night for the rest of my life.”

I’ve never seen NYC so connected. This wasn’t just another team, another run, another playoffs.

We were watching a healing.

This was the Bruce Springsteen concert of sports. “Come on up for the rising.”

During game two of the Finals, I was in a plant medicine ceremony. As soon as it ended, I told the shaman that I needed to find out the score of the Knicks game.

The shaman was amused and said something like, “It’s just sports, don’t worry about it.” I had to explain what was happening with this Knicks team, who they were, and how Jalen Brunson was a healer. I told the story of him being unappreciated and discounted his entire life (e.g. too short, not athletic enough, can’t be the best player on a championship team) and how hard he’s worked to overcome that. And how much he is a shaman too, bringing people together, healing past trauma, and building a container where progress and work could happen, where the past could be forgotten, and the present moment celebrated. This was more than a team. This was a circle where lost souls could come together, where men who were disappointments elsewhere – KAT’s too soft, Mikal wasn’t worth the picks, Mitch can’t make free throws, Shamet can’t play D – could come and achieve their highest level. In effect, the New York Knicks were a healing ceremony too.

Jalen Brunson was not only putting the team on his back every night, he was putting an entire city on his back. He was ending the pandemic. NYC was the center of the world again. The bliss was palpable everywhere you went.

In an ocean of doubt, this team instilled belief. The trauma of the past was purged. No more missed Charles Smith followups or Patrick Ewing off the back of the rim. Finally, it was our turn to be victors. It can happen to us.

Brunson provided the antidote to the loneliness epidemic/masculinity crisis. He was bringing an entire metropolis together around a common cause. And he was demonstrating what true masculine leadership looks like, how it involves not just looking out for oneself, but raising up others and enabling them to be the best version of themselves.

After my rant, the shaman looked at me and said, “Oh, I get it now.”

And that’s when I looked at the box score and found out the Knicks had won.

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Quickies

🎯 Software didn’t eat the world. Pro wrestling did.

🎯 I only get advice from finance bros. It’s called ChadGPT.

🎯 I wanna live with a Persian poet so I can say I have a Rumi roomie.

🎯 Centrist is too dry. In honor of Pride month, I’m gonna start referring to myself as politically vers.

🎯 I’m “guy who meditates” shaved head, not “guy who thinks Jan 6th was complicated” shaved head.

🎯 A lotta women who move to Bushwick come down with a case of rapid-onset bisexuality.

🎯 I’m always late and it’s definitely due to my ADHD and not because I’m an a**hole because that would make it my fault which is unacceptable.

🎯 We already got herstory so I think we need to start talking about sheography (i.e. maps which show all the places a man refused to ask for directions).

🎯 Anyone who talks into a mic for 15+ hours a week can’t be taken as a serious thinker. People who talk that much ain’t thinking.

🎯 By overindexing on optionality we destroyed commitment. We’re all hunt and no peck now.

🎯 These days, I frequently wind up thinking, “I’m not mad at this person for doing their grift, I’m upset with the fools who fall for it.”

🎯 They keep edging conspiracy bros with this UFO stuff.

🎯 The most exciting development of 2026 is the way these college kids boo any mention of AI.

🎯 The most oppressed minority is intelligent people. We’re being suffocated by morons constantly.

🎯 Zombies, sci fi, and horror rule TV and movies. Crazy since we are all walking zombies living inside a dystopian nightmare that is horrifying. I wish Hollywood would gimme a goddamn rom com so I can escape reality instead of doubling down on it!

🎯 Kinda funny how much the Tonys are hated by guys named Tony.

🎯 I am pro-unions because I see how effective the police one is. Amazon drivers can’t even get a bathroom break, yet cops get paid leave after shooting someone. If that ain’t an incentive for workers of the world to unite… 🤷‍♂️

🎯 Love an effective “not” statement:
”Dinner not island”
”Turkey but not for hair”
”Dot not feather”

🎯 My love language is shaking hands while saying, “My hands are wet but clean.”

🎯 I feel like the nerds have gotten enough revenge.

More Hoops

🏀 Big Knicks shoutouts to…

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In reality, the city is filled with joy and unity right now. On game nights, strangers are high fiving each other on the streets. Incredible positive energy. Yet social media would lead you to believe the whole town is a Worldstar orgy of violence.

Let that be a lesson for all of us re: reality vs. the algorithm. So often, IRL is fine yet these platforms want us to believe mayhem rules.

It’s 3%, not 30%

Reality doesn’t get clicks. So we have to inflate it. It’s something I refer to as the 3/30 rule.

You know the Pareto Principle (often called the 80/20 rule), right? It’s the observation that roughly 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes.

Well, the 3/30 rule is about how we keep parading outliers as if they’re the mainstream. (Call it The Ruby Rule if you like.)

It’s how we take things that are only 3% of our society and behave as if they’re 30%. (The numbers may vary, but you get it).

It’s not that these things don’t exist at all. It’s that we inflate them to an outsized role that doesn’t align with the facts on the ground. Are all Zionists monsters? Are all Muslims terrorists? You know the answer. Yet all we get online are absolutes.

The algorithm keeps elevating those on the fringe because we are more likely to engage with them. Whether we hate or fear them, we find them fascinating. Click. Click. Click.

When the thin slice becomes the story

Are trans women competing in women’s sports? I mean, once in a while. But on the regular? Nah. Does it deserve the bandwidth we give it? Of course not.

Is there fraud in Minnesota? Sure. Is every Somali person there crooked? Please.

It’s happening with disorders too. Sure, some people have brain chemistry issues. But let’s be real: It’s nowhere near as common as the internet would have us believe. Yet TikTok self-diagnosing and Big Pharma propaganda has us believing 30% of us are disordered.

Do some Dems wanna “defund the police” and murder health care execs in the streets? A tiny percentage but not whatever FOX News is claiming. Socialism? C’mon, even Elizabeth Warren is a capitalist. Are Joe Rogan fans all conspiracy kooks? Nah, the vast majority just like MMA or comedy.

The Libs of TikTok are easy to attack but they ain’t the mainstream of the left. Likewise, the Oath Keepers are abominable, but they don’t speak for the core of GOP voters.

The real danger is in how much we believe the hysterical hype:

Everything online must be inflated

It started innocently enough with “LOL.” Someone said something vaguely humorous and, although it didn’t make us smile, let alone guffaw, we began reporting that we were, in fact, laughing out loud.

Eventually that lie wasn’t enough so we upgraded to “ROTFL.” We were laughing so hard we were rolling on the floor!? Since compliments are like any other drug, we built up a tolerance. And that’s when we turned to the face with tears of joy emoji. What a hoot! I’m crying. 😂😂😂

Except we weren’t laughing at all.

Same with selfies. People started posting photos of themselves looking fine or slightly better than normal. Nonetheless, we told them they were “Gorgeous.” Eventually, that became “Queen!” And when that wasn’t enough, we started typing, “Goddess!!!”

We inflate everything so much that it’s become easy to forget reality. The timeline has hypnotized us.

We’re to blame too. The algorithm knows we’re obsessed with the fringes and bored with the mundanity of reality. And those who wield power know they can use these issues as misdirections. Trans bathrooms? That’s what a magician does when they’re trying to hide something else they’re doing.

Is [insert subject matter] based in reality? Sure, technically. But is it being wildly exaggerated in order to monetize and manipulate people? You bet.

Watch out for them tricking you into thinking the sliver is actually a chunk.

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Comedy

NYC: Mood Board returns to Gospel on Thursday, June 11. Promo code JOY20 gets you discounted tickets.

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5-spotted

🗯️ Yair Rosenberg: ‘The More I’m Around Young People, the More Panicked I Am’

Americans who are middle-aged or older tend to get their information from legacy media outlets, which, for all their flaws, normally have editorial processes that eschew explicitly racist material. Younger Americans, by contrast, are likely to trust and get their news from lightly moderated social-media platforms, which often advantage the extreme opinions, conspiracy theories, and conflict-stoking content that drive engagement. This bifurcation of information has consequences.

🗯️ Zadie Smith talks about how we often think of freedom as simply being able to do whatever we want, whenever we want.

There’s many other forms of freedom that are actually quite valuable. Much of life can feel like a performance, where you’re trying to fit in, impress, or meet expectations. Even close friendships sometimes have this performative aspect where you’re not fully yourself. So anywhere you can go where you’re not on stage, where you’re not having to keep up someone else’s idea of you, where you can just be yourself—that is freedom. For me, at least—that’s a form of being free that is really valuable to me.

🗯️ There’s an entire genre of media coverage best described as “rich guy has an opinion.”

It’s surprisingly common, and once you notice it you’ll see it everywhere: entire news stories dedicated to the otherwise unremarkable opinion of a rich person, or news stories that fold the opinions of rich people into their otherwise neutral coverage. It’s taken for granted in many newsrooms that a person’s wealth imbues their opinions with newsworthiness…It’s not just that elite opinions are bleeding into press coverage, it’s that they are being treated as news per se. It’s journalism consisting of quotes from rich guys.

🗯️ Jason Fried: You shouldn’t have to learn how to use a house.

You shouldn’t need a tech tour and an app (or five) to turn the heat down or clean the dishes. You shouldn’t have to worry that pressing the wrong button will set off a chain of events you don’t know how to undo. All these powerful processors and thousands of lines of code have succeeded in making everyday things slower, harder to use, and less reliable than they used to be.

🗯️ From the Therapist: “Happy wife, happy life.”

This common phrase, offered as marital advice, can lead to a profound sense of dissatisfaction. It suggests that in service of your wife’s happiness, your own needs are negligible. Of course, taking your partner’s happiness into account is both healthy and necessary in any marriage. But “happy wife, happy life” amounts to a costly bargain: Resentment is the price you eventually pay for abandoning yourself.

Thanks for reading. Go Knicks!

-Matt

Also, who among us hasn’t gotten hammered in Croatia and accidentally gotten a N*zi tattoo? Where I’m from, we call that a “whoopzi.”

East/West Meds

Whenever a Gen Z kid tells me about their meds, I make them tell me where they went to college too. That way it feels like that Key & Peele East/West Bowl sketch...

- Mounjaro Finasteride, Texas A&M
- Vyvanse Zepbound, LSU
- Xanax Wegovy, UCLA
- Generic Prozac, East Carolina University
- L’Wellbutrin Abilify, University of Miami
- Dan Smith, BYU

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Monstrous children’s

Time to reconsider Sesame Street in the light of today’s standards…

- The Cookie Monster is an addict who desperately needs Ozempic to curb him from his impulses.
- Oscar the Grouch has undiagnosed depression (and is chronically unhoused).
- Elmo always speaks in third person – classic malignant narcissist behavior.
- Bert/Ernie completely fail the Bechdel Test.
- The Count is definitely autistic.

And we’re just supposed to look the other way? Sorry, Jim Henson…you’re cancelled.

But I do give Kermit and Miss Piggy for being the original Unlikely Animal Friends™️.

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Working Methods

Recently at Working Methods, one of my other newsletters. It’s filled with creativity tips from art legends…

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Working Methods

Advice from legendary artists to kickstart your creative process. Curated by Matt Ruby.

By Matt Ruby

Quickies

🎯 A guy who gives out wired headphones to people with phones playing out loud in public would be a modern day Johnny Appleseed. #hero

🎯 Have we tried putting America in a bag of rice?

🎯 Now that I’ve seen the alternative, I would like to revise my views on gatekeepers. They were basically a slop firewall.

🎯 That’s it. You can no longer be “maxxing” anything. We have maxxmaxxed. It was a fun run, but the suffix must now be abandoned.

🎯 I’m a disruptor. I find around and f*ck out.

🎯 I feel like our entire economy is running on fake lips, gummies, crypto, ED pills, feet pics, prop bets, supplements, and AI. I’m betting that won’t end well (on Polymarket).

🎯 Mocktails are a great way to charge double for juice.

🎯 "Pope Leo Warns of Risks From A.I. in Encyclical." Impressive multitasking. I can barely even text when I'm on the encyclical.

🎯 Fair trade coffee, eh? Lemme hear it from the other guy. The victors write history so color me suspicious.

🎯 🎶 You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about 🎶 Hey HOKEY POKEY, figure it out. I don’t have time for all this back and forth nonsense.

🎯 The Oklahoma City Thunder are the billionaires of basketball. They behave logically (via foul baiting, handsy defense, etc.) inside an ecosystem that refuses to constrain them. My point: Tax the rich and call more floppin’ fouls on the Thunder.

🎯 Was talking about a guy in the Epstein files and described him as “dinner not island,” which feels like the “dot not feather” of sex trafficking. Made me realize it’s helpful to have that kinda “creep not predator” framework. For example: “He was metoo’d, but it was an Aziz not Harvey thing.”

🎯 When you live with plants, one thing you realize is they don’t give a damn about you. The only thing that cares less is every cat ever.

🎯 Matchmakers are to pimps what pharmaceutical sales representatives are to drug dealers.

🎯 Did Heated Rivalry pass the Bechdel Test?

🎯 I get Botox, but know what else makes you pretty? Being able to express surprise.

🎯 Show some respect. Don’t ask adult friends to help you move. Start a GoFundMe to hire movers and tell them about it…like a grownup.

🎯 🎶 Hate to say I told you so
Alright
Come on
Do believe I told you so 🎶

⬇️

Wedding speech

I once officiated a wedding for my friends. This is what I said before pronouncing them man and wife.

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On Politics

📣 Rotten Tomatoes makes me realize why the founding fathers didn’t believe in direct democracy.

📣 It’s less red state vs. blue state, more red meat vs. blue hair.

📣 Judging from how much they pass my phone number around, Dem politicians must think I’m a real slut.

📣 Libertarians never get elected. But our economy now seems largely based on gambling (DraftKings), weed (dispensaries), p0rn (OnlyFans), and fringe speech (podcasters), so I feel like they already won.

📣 I feel like a big part of the problem is we call them “low-information voters.” I’ll bet if we went back to calling them idiots, a lot of them would pay more attention.

🔌 Share this post and get the word out. Every bit helps. Thanks.

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📣 Life is crazy. Now the way to stick it to the man would be to perform on SNL while piecing together a photo of the Pope.

📣 Josh Shapiro is to Barack Obama what Coldplay is to Radiohead.

📣 Extremely online political kooks should be called wacktivists.

📣 Maybe the founding fathers were doing a planned obsolescence thing with America and we just need to trade it in for the new model.

📣 The Republican party wants to bring back firing squads. The Democratic party IS one (i.e. circular).

📣 “How could we have known?” You were warned. Over and over…

• 1930s: 📕 Brave New World

• 1940s: 📕 Nineteen Eighty-Four

• 1950s: 📕 Fahrenheit 451

• 1960s: 📕 The Medium Is the Massage

• 1970s: 🎥 Network

• 1980s: 📕 Amusing Ourselves to Death

• 1990s: 📕 Infinite Jest

• 2000s: 🎥 Idiocracy

• 2010s: 📕 On Tyranny

• 2020s: 📰 The Rubesletter 😜

🔌 Support this newsletter by signing up for the paid plan. You’ll get bonus stuff, full archive access, and my appreciation.

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📣 Mark my words: Years from now, we will marvel at how much everyone in this administration is either drunk or on drugs and how little everyone clocked it at the time.

📣 TOP DEMOCRAT KINKS

• Town hall where Vietnam veteran yells at GOP Congressman

• Joe Rogan badmouthing Trump

• ICE agent slips on ice

📣 TOP REPUBLICAN KINKS

• Shackled in El Salvador

• “Quiet piggy!”

• Blonde woman wearing giant cross gaslights reporter

🚨 Ahead: The truth about the ballroom, Bill Maher’s staying put, the Iran war, the Epstein files, how Saturday Night Fever explains Trump/Epstein, the Supreme Leader, and much more.

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🔔 Don’t care about sports? Scroll down to the funny Quickies at the end. Good stuff there. Also: This newsletter is 100% AI-free. I write it myself, which takes time. If you want to support it, hit the paid plan below. Thanks.

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If you don’t live here, you might not understand. NYC: Most knowledgeable fans in the world. Basketball is in this city’s veins, from Rucker Park to Coney Island. When MSG is feeling it, there’s nothing like it in all of sports. We don’t need matching t-shirts, we have matching chutzpah. Save that crap for Oklahomans.

And this team is so lovable. In Jalen Brunson we trust.

He’s got me texting things like I’m a guest on Call Her Daddy: “No other man has ever made me feel this safe.” All those reps with his dad show. Oh captain, my captain.

We deal with Mitch’s ugly a** free throws ‘cuz he’s a monster on the offensive boards. Bridges’ midrange game is positively retro, OG is effortless cool, and Hart lives up to his name. KAT sashays, Deuce grinds, Clarkson buckets, José steals, and Shamet strokes.

Mike Brown is a pat on the back guy more than the yelling type, but he keeps solving riddles in impressive ways. And goddamn if GM Leon Rose didn’t do something we all had come to think was impossible. He built a winner via patience, discipline, and shrewdness. As for the owner, [redacted because I don’t want to get banned from MSG].

We got Ben in the front row. Timmy too. Them traveling to Indiana together to watch a road game was just downright sweet. Heck, we even let a Kardashian ride along. Tracy Morgan, Jon Stewart, Fat Joe, etc. (Related: If Fat Joe and Jelly Roll are gonna go all skinny via Ozempic, they should have to change their names.)

And all the 90’s teammates who never got over the hump have our forever respect and are in the building too. Patrick, Starks, LJ. (We miss you Oak!) We don’t forget the way they battled MJ. Those teams embodied what New York fans value most: fight, hustle, and grit. Want it.

Do you even care? Maybe not. I just want people to know how much this team means to this city. It might be the last thing the 1% and the bodegas can agree on anymore. We can taste it. We’re starting to believe – and we’re not used to believing. It’s scary to have faith. Wemby or SGA lurks…but right now, we’re a step closer than we’ve been in decades. And that’s giving us feeeeeelings.

Let’s go Knicks!!!!!

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Listen up

Me talk good on this podcast re: comedy, life, and Jew stuff. Get some.

Quickies

• If you want men to go to it, rebrand therapy as mindmaxxing.

• I’m not a soy boy. I’m an edamaman.

• Need mindfulness because mind full.

• You know who probably liked segregation? Water fountain manufacturers.

• The moral arc of the universe needs to see a chiropractor. Damn thing keeps bending in the wrong direction.

• I need a coach that helps me avoid offers from other coaches now that everyone in the world has decided they’re a coach.

• To everyone who counted me out.
  To everyone who expected me to fail.
  To everyone who said I didn’t have what it takes.
  Who do you have in Spurs/Thunder? Gonna bet on it and you seem good at predicting stuff.

• WhatsRot - the inevitable devolution of every WhatsApp group into political rants, dumb memes, or someone hawking their supplements/workshop/retreat/course/life coaching.

• Our society has over-indexed on qualities that serve capitalism more than the human spirit. We need to get the positive aspects of “leave some money on the table” out there more.

• White people are all about saunas but don’t know about bongos.

• I’m okay with trans women competing in women’s sports because I don’t care at all about women’s sports. Apathy is a superpower!

• I find the biggest problem with narcissism to be how persuasive it is to morons.

• I’m starting to think all these Pixar movies didn’t teach our kids sh*t.

• Proposed sausage slogan: “It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times.”

• The size of a single woman’s dog is inversely proportional to her sanity.

• My big problem with optimists is how bad they are at stopping terrible things from happening.

• I’d say this whole thing sounds like an absurd TV comedy...

  

  …but it literally already was one!

  

• Time to reconsider Sesame Street. The Cookie Monster is a totally one dimensional character and Bert/Ernie completely fail the Bechdel Test.

• We now add gratuity before we even get the thing. That’s more of a bet than a tip.

• When you think about it, “I need a ballroom for security” is pretty hilarious.

• I think the word “psyop” is a psyop. Never heard it until recently and now it’s EVERYWHERE. It’s the Geese of words.

• 1990’s: “Isn’t it ironic?”
  2020’s: “Isn’t it iconic?”

• Can you thump anything besides the Bible? I’d like to be Vladimir Nabokov thumper, a Robert Rauschenberg thumper, or a Van Halen “might as well thump”er.

• Credit card points people vs. 10,000 steps people: Who’s more insane? I’m going with credit card folks. Sorting offers, opening/closing accounts, rolling over payments...it’s like working a full time job just to get a free hotel room every 18 months.

• On Brooklyn Sundays, the women carry yoga mats to get matcha the way generals wear medals to a military parade.

• Congrats to vegans on being replaced by poly people as the most annoying type of person.

• Now that I’m an old man, I get it. Sometimes clouds need to be yelled at.

You did it! Over and out.

-Matt

• The body keeps the score. And lately, it feels like mine is tanking to get a better draft pick.

• I grind in my sleep which sounds kinky until you realize it’s my teeth.

• I’ve done therapy and meditation for years which is proof therapy and meditation don’t really work that well.

• I got into meditating at the right time. Now that the world is ending, I’m relatively cool with it. This too shall pass. Deep exhale.

• I don’t know what my disorder is called but it’s the one where I keep 30 browser tabs open constantly, have thousands of unread email messages, and put hundreds of books on hold at the library despite reading only one per year.

• We’ve disguised mental illness as moral superiority and it’s driving me crazy...which is why I’m better than everyone else.

• Excited for my new self-help book. It’s called “Let Me.” I think it’s gonna help me do a lot of things.

• Highly Sensitive Person? Congrats! I’m a highly insensitive person. Shouldn’t that be the disorder? A sensitive person feels a lot. That’s no biggie. I walk around aggravating folks constantly with my Temu Tourette’s until they go behind my back and whisper, “What the hell’s the deal with that jerk?”

Mental health

• May is Mental Health Awareness Month. OK. When is Repress Your Feelings Month? That’s my time to shine.

• Heard a woman say her child has “profound autism.” Profound, eh!? I was like, “I”ll be the judge of that. So far, I find your kid’s autism rather banal.”

• I get Marc Andreesen’s point. Avoiding introspection is a great way to bypass shame which, in a system of predatory capitalism, is kind of a superpower.

• The nice thing about hitting rock bottom is the clarity it gives you to change your ways. What’s truly dangerous is when your life is going juuuuust well enough that you decide to soldier on with the status quo.

• Victimhood is currency now. And disorders are a way for rich white people to gain the sympathy and clout enjoyed by minority communities. It’s the cultural appropriation of marginalization. Ya gotta hand it to whitey…we somehow managed to even colonize trauma!

• Someone told me you’re now supposed to say “person with autism,” not “autistic person.” And that makes sense to me, a person with poverty.

• Life hack: If you never go to a clinic, you can never be clinically depressed.

• “Neurodivergent” and “neurospicy” hit weirdly because that means not being disordered is “typical” and “bland.” Snoooooze.

• We should have American Idol but for disorders. I know YOU think you have OCD, but let’s see what Simon and Randy think.

• We need 23andMe but to identify people’s disorder makeup. My results would be...
  37% ADHD
  17% anxiety
  5% depression
  29% PTSD
  7% OCD
  5% spends too long inventing fake statistics

• We’re gonna call everything a disorder before we’re done, ain’t we? 👇

Body

• Cul de sac sounds like it’s the French way to say herpes.

• We’re so disconnected from our bodies that the most obvious advice now feels revelatory. Like, you could probably have a bestselling book that tells people to just go to sleep when they’re tired and eat only when they’re hungry. Call it “You Do You.” (Sign me up, Random House.)

• 10,000 steps a day people need to calm down. It’s 11:55pm and you’re off in the corner jogging in place tryna make your quota. That behavior is less healthy than it is terrifying.

• I hate needles so much that I exercise.

• All these little kids wearing noise canceling headphones is crazy to me. Was every child before 2000 just going deaf!?1

• “BK. Have it your way. You rule!” is a wild thing to sing thousands of times at broke people you fool into consuming poison because they crave cheap calories. “Marks, you rule!”

Influencers

• AI bros = deepfake
  Wellness influencers = fake deep

• I know two women who are astrology influencers. I call them the Woo Woo Dolls.

• In an amazing comeback, vibes and astrology are now beating data and science. It’s like the ‘86 Mets of Dark Age thinking, except it’s psychics defeating physics.

• Here’s my thing with Huberman podcast fans: How much health information do you need? Is there really 5+ hours of cutting edge science you require WEEKLY? If so, shouldn’t you be listening to your doctor instead of a podcast?

• Related idea: Podcospitals. That’s right, a hospital just for podcasters and their fans. Put your body where your ears are! Let the surgeon walk into the room and say, “Technically, I’m not a doctor. However, I do my research and have watched a LOT of YouTube videos.”

• Despite wildly divergent views, literally everyone thinks they got it right about COVID. We’re all living in bubbles that constantly tell us we’re the good/smart/right ones.

• Peptide bros are the incels of wellness.

• The more someone takes brain supplements, the more you can safely assume they’re a moron.

• Online gurus: “I am an expert in the somatic arts, trauma-informed psychology, and anti-oppressive movements. I can teach you how to integrate personal healing with systemic social justice work via my workshop, Zoom course, or…LOOK, can you just Venmo me $59? My landlord is hounding me.”

Psychedelics

• The natural enemy of psychedelics is connecting to the Bluetooth: “Somehow, everything in the universe is connected…except for my iPhone and this JBL speaker. That is impossible.”

• Men need psychedelics to realize things that women know innately.

• Integration of psychedelics is an ongoing battle against evaporation. The challenge is to hold onto what you learned in that moment of clarity, while realizing how much that’s like trying to capture a cloud.

• Psychedelics weren’t made illegal because of bad trips. It was the good trips! Too many people realized how much our culture is built on a foundation of bullsh*t. And those in charge can’t tolerate that kinda awakening.

• The opposite of a microdose is a heroic dose. So if you’re microdosing, you’re an anti-hero.

• Ya know how the dryer works better once you clean out the lint trap? Well, same thing with psychedelics and your brain.

• Psychedelics are for stoners who think they’re profound. (That was kinda deep, eh?) Speaking of…this is my special where I perform on various substances:

Behind the paywall

Up ahead: More musings on longevity, men, and women…

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So I decided to chime in in this video (above) and, in more detail, over at (my other newsletter all about standup) in this post: 12 thoughts on the Kevin Hart roast backlash.

Something the roast backlash taught us is George Floyd is the Charlie Kirk of the left (and vice versa). “You can joke about anything except...” The argument I’ve seen: “George Floyd (and Charlie Kirk) weren’t there and have no relation to this event so they shoulda been left out of it.” But I dunno, feels like both have become a cultural avatar for something bigger at this point and roast jokes thrive on oddly specific references. My question: Are the ones offended by the mention of George Floyd also offended by the mention of Charlie Kirk (and vice versa)? If not, how come?

Check out the full post here (fyi paid subscribers get some hot comedy scene tea spilling too):

Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

12 thoughts on the Kevin Hart roast backlash

💥 Of course there’s online backlash. Social media loves to ignore context and intention so a comedy roast is its natural enemy…

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2 months ago · 7 likes · Matt Ruby

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Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

Comic Matt Ruby offers standup comedy philosophy, advice, and inspirational quotes from great comedians. Some praise for posts here...Judd Apatow: "Great." Gary Gulman: “Love this!”

By Matt Ruby

Btw, clips rule everything around me so I’m always posting stuff over at my Instagram and YouTube channel. Subscribe it up there too. Some recent stuff below…

Later 🐊,
Matt

In Bezos, however, progressive protesters have seemingly found a perfect foil: a singular figurehead whose rightward political drift, $250 billion bankroll and anti-union efforts have made him an object of scorn on the left.

Shocking to find out fashion has taken the side of the wealthy. Well, at least us poors will always have fine dining. 🙄

Bending the knee

It’s yet another example of how much these tech billionaires just don’t get it.

Musk thinks empathy is weakness. Andreesen thinks introspection is for dummies. Thiel thinks there’s an antichrist. And Zuckerberg thinks that gold chain looks good on him.

Woof.

I gave up on ‘em when they all bent the knee to the President and decided to do the bootlicking hokey pokey at Mar-A-Lago, the inauguration, and the White House. They brought him gifts and did that whole “you’re such a strong leader” circlejerk. Gross. Especially since we all know they don’t actually respect him at all.

Watching all that, I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, I thought you guys had f*ck you money. I mean, what’s the point of having all that money if you’ve still gotta kiss another man’s a**?

Turns out they don’t actually have f*ck you money. You know who really has f*ck you money? Me! That’s right. People with no money, we’ve got the real f*ck you money.

They live in fear of losing everything. I’ve got nothing to lose! They have to protect shareholders. I don’t gotta protect 💩. My couch has a goddamn hole in it. Take it away, please. They can’t lose their government contracts. The only contract I have is with Time Warner Cable. Go ahead, cancel it. I’ll just turn to Fios.

What is anyone gonna do to me that two decades of pursuing standup comedy hasn’t already done? You think I’m afraid of people taking my stuff away? Get in line behind Fannie Mae, my uncle, DraftKings, my weed dealer, and…the list goes on.

If you wanna know the truth, ask someone deeply in debt. They’ll tell you what’s really happening as the bigwigs insist the emperor’s clothes are fabulous. No wonder they’re tryna break into the Met Gala. They’re used to pretending ugliness is actually haute couture.

🔌 Support my work by signing up for the paid plan. You’ll get bonus stuff too. It’ll help me get a new couch. Thanks.

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It’s never enough

Know what? I think these billionaires are actually sad.

See, the rest of us, we have the fantasy that if we just had all that money, we wouldn’t be sad anymore. But these guys got all that money and now they’re like, “Damnit, I’m still sad.” And they did all that evil stuff to get the money, so they’re actually sad and guilty.

So they think, “I gotta go live on Mars. That’s where my daddy will have loved me, on Mars. If I live on Mars and buy my wife huge lips, then I’ll be happy. Just my huge-lipped wife and me…up there on Mars…next to my big rocket…living foreverrrrrr. Now that oughta do it.”

The latest oligarch to make a MAGA pivot is Sergey Brin. After once backing liberal causes, he’s veering hard right. The Google co-founder praised 🍊, donated to Republicans, and spent $57 million to try to block a California billionaire tax.

Some are blaming his new girlfriend, who checks a lot of Huberboxes:

✅ “Gut health influencer”
✅ “holistic health coach”
✅ “clean meat enthusiast”
✅ appeared on reality television series “Vanderpump Rules”

One more and it’s MalibuBingo™️!

Brin is pissy because he theorizes California is on the verge of turning Soviet:

I fled socialism in 1979 and know the devastating, oppressive society it created in the Soviet Union. I don’t want California to end up in the same place.

Fact check: In 1979, the top marginal federal income tax rate for the wealthiest Americans was 70%. Now, it’s 37%. So how about we go back to the tax rate that made America so desirable to Brin’s family?

🚔 Wait, why are you dragging me out of this party at a crypto titan’s estate? I didn’t even get to taste the hors d’– [security tosses me onto the pavement]

📧 This is pretty good right? Tell a friend. Share it online. FWD to someone.

Share

Silicone valley of the dolls

Alright, let’s get into the 👄↔️ thing.

Normally, I wouldn’t go hard in the paint on someone’s physical appearance. But Lauren Sanchez wasn’t born like this. She chose to look this way.

So it feels like fair game to mock the choices she’s made to turn her appearance into some sort of Abramovicesque avant-garde art project. At this point, it’s not really about beauty anymore, right? It’s just her going, “Look what I can afford to do to my face.”

Bezos digs it, though. In fact, he even put a sculpture of her on the front of his yacht.

And that’s got me wondering: Every time she gets plastic surgery, do they have to update this sculpture? Is there some fed-up sculptor in Paris who gets a call every six months and replies, “Sacre bleu, I cannot do it. No, c’est impossible. I cannot make ze lips bigger. The whole ship will capseeeeeeeize. C’est impossiiiiiiible.”

AI on the warpath

Meanwhile, the AI they’re bankrolling is about to take over the economy, ruin careers, and maaaaaybe destroy the world.

Even the safe jobs ain’t safe: lawyers, coders, accountants. A buddy of mine is a lawyer and he is terrified: “Man, I don’t even know what the future’s gonna be like. I don’t know if my job’s gonna exist. I don’t know how I’m gonna get paid. I don’t know what will come next.”

Listening to that, I couldn’t help but think, “Oh, wow, everyone is just gonna live the life of a struggling comedian. All this time, I thought I was falling behind. Turns out I’m a prepper!”

Him: “I don’t know how I’m gonna pay rent.”
Me: “That’s the wrong question. The right question is how are we gonna pay rent?”
(He’s my roommate now.)

Welcome to the chaos, everyone.

I don’t mind it that much. While the rest of the world was building equity, I was building a tolerance for uncertainty. And that increasingly feels like a superpower. We are all freelancers now.

Some advice to the tech overlords

A lesson I learned from Pablo Escobar documentaries, Cocaine Cowboys, The Wire, etc. is that smart gangsters give back to the community. They build soccer fields, set up charity basketball games, hand out Thanksgiving turkeys, etc.

It’s strategic. People don’t snitch on someone who built their kid’s playground. They cheer ‘em on.

Well, as we all can see, y’all are basically a bunch of gangsters. Yet you seemingly do nothing but extract. Instead, try doing something (anything!) kind – in public – occasionally so people don’t constantly resent you.

Like, at least the Sacklers were building museum wings while killing off half of Appalachia. (I know, you tech guys don’t understand or appreciate aesthetics, but just imagine you’re AI art and fake it.)

And no, bankrolling a gala for other elites doesn’t count.

You don’t have to stop constructing rockets, doomsday bunkers, and new bodies for your partners. Just pretend to care about some kinda philanthropy effort too. It’s basic cartel etiquette.

And if you’re not sure how to do it, ask one of your ex-wives. They seem to clock all this just fine.

🎭 Check out FUNNY HOW, my newsletter all about standup:

Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

Comic Matt Ruby offers standup comedy philosophy, advice, and inspirational quotes from great comedians. Some praise for posts here...Judd Apatow: "Great." Gary Gulman: “Love this!”

By Matt Ruby

Related:

5-spotted

❝❞ Inside the Gay Tech Mafia: Gay networks seem naturally aligned to the dynamics of venture funding, where established wealth meets emerging talent.

“One of the key things to realize is that gays are different than straights in many different ways,” says a longtime gay venture capitalist. “Gays are cross-generational.” While straight people tend to spend more time with people their own age, “that is not true with gay men. I can hang out with someone at an event who is 18 years old, and Peter [Thiel] might also be there.”

❝❞ Frank Bruni on what family ownership meant for newspapers.

That often made the bottom line less important than tradition, pride, honor. Bezos doesn’t have the same investment in The Post that the Grahams did or that the Sulzbergers do in The Times. Often, little hedges against pure capitalism and the profit motive are a good thing.

❝❞ Is hating on snake oil…racist?

Among the items the Chinese railroad workers brought with them to the States were various medicines — including snake oil. Made from the oil of the Chinese water snake, which is rich in the omega-3 acids that help reduce inflammation, snake oil in its original form really was effective, especially when used to treat arthritis and bursitis. The workers would rub the oil, used for centuries in China, on their joints after a long hard day at work. The story goes that the Chinese workers began sharing the oil with some American counterparts, who marveled at the effects.

❝❞ The Anti-Intellectualism of the Silicon Valley Elite.

Tech oligarchs have erected a new cognitive technology designed to fry users’ brains after they’ve effectively lobotomized themselves with a real-world version of the same process. Our tech lords have long made a practice of outsourcing their thinking to the many people (and technologies) devoted to digesting difficult material and summarizing it for them. In their working lives, they then proceed to surround themselves with yes men and peers who affirm everything they say; the beta version of the cringy displays of great-leader sycophancy that break out in every Trump cabinet meeting was perfected in the boardrooms of Silicon Valley.

❝❞ Jacob Riis on 🔨ing:

When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.

Thanks for reading. Stay strong. Leave a comment or reply with feedback. I notice. Bye.

-Matt

Of course, the real problem facing America right now is comedy. That’s why the President is demanding ABC fire Jimmy Kimmel for morbid jokes. Questions: Where my “make comedy legal” free speech comedians at? Does that count as being woke? Is he, gasp, a snowflake? Help me out, fellas.

Meanwhile, the media’s analyzing the gunman’s manifesto and I gotta say: The deep dive we do into shooters always baffles me, because isn't that exactly what these ghouls want/doesn’t it incentivize others to follow in their footsteps? Also, as Chris Rock once pointed out, "Whatever happened to crazy?"

Was it even that big of a deal? Y'all act like you've never been in a hotel where there was gunfire until police arrested someone on a different floor…and it just goes to show you've never stayed at a Motel 6 in Buffalo after performing at Rob's Comedy Playhouse.

Btw, the hysteria of these “journalists” who were ON A SEPARATE FLOOR from any sorta threat makes me thankful there’s never been a shooting at The Oscars…because OMG can you imagine the reaction of actual drama queens!?

Of course the only solution to gun violence is BALLROOM. But wait a minute…

The ballroom won’t even be finished until 2028!? And same with the new Air Force One?

Uh, WTF is going on here? Why does he need a new Air Force One and ballroom/secret bunker delivered in 2028 unless he believes he will be President past then?

Anyway, we clearly need to start investigating these assassination attempts…and the logical place to start is with BUTLER, PA. I look forward to that.

(Damn, all this conspiratorial thinking really is fun. I get itttttttt.)

Quickies

🎯 I won’t do 23andMe because I feel like some of my relatives could conceivably be serial killers and I ain’t no snitch.

🎯 You should have to pick a door: elites or no elites. And that goes for everything. Doctors, pilots, teachers, etc. Then they’d have to live inside the madness they crave so much.

🎯 So tired of being blasted with propaganda from all sides. Too few people want the truth and too many just wanna attend a rally.

🎯 Assume anyone who starts a social post with “BREAKING: ” is full of 💩 and the link underneath is how they attempt to monetize naïveté.

🎯 Young people jealous of wealthy people should realize how much they would trade it all to be young again.

Funny How

Recently at Funny How (my newsletter about standup), I talked about crowdwork, Chappelle, the Beatles, and woke hack. Go get it.

Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian

Comic Matt Ruby offers standup comedy philosophy, advice, and inspirational quotes from great comedians. Some praise for posts here...Judd Apatow: "Great." Gary Gulman: “Love this!”

By Matt Ruby

Image conscious

📸 Obama vs. Kramer:

📸 We need a Meg White vs Erica Kirk stare-off:

📸 The Republican party is bringing back the firing squad! Meanwhile, the Democratic party is one (i.e. circular).

📸 If ya never complained about redistricting until Dems started doing it...

Behind the paywall: Thoughts on Zohran vs. the billionaires and the Klay/Meg split…

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ICYMI: Russell Brand Goes Viral After Fumbling Bible Quote.

An awkward clip of comedian-turned-YouTuber Russell Brand has gone viral after a combative appearance on Piers Morgan Uncensored resulted in Brand flipping through a Bible, unable to find a meaningful passage.

Kudos to Piers’ sound designer! Never heard pages turn so loudly before. Every single crack and crinkle is AUDIBLE.

The hilarious part is how these fools hang themselves. Kristi Noem didn’t NEED to put the thing about shooting her dog in her book. And Brand didn’t NEED to bring the bible onto Piers’ show. But they just can’t help themselves.

Wrote about him previously here:

It’s been rather incredible to watch his grift pivot…

Why is there so much friction between generations nowadays? One reason:

Chronology is geography

The past is like a foreign land. And the further we get from an era, the more foreign it seems.

Old people, by default, have “traveled” through time more. They’re chronological globetrotters. And these seasoned travelers can’t help but view the young as provincial. “You’ve never been there.” It’s a data issue. Young folks simply don’t have the data.

That’s why Boomers wind up looking at Gen Z the way seasoned travelers look at someone who’s never left their hometown: “Your world is narrow. You don’t even know what you don’t know.”

That lack of experience leads to opinions that seem bogus to older generations:

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